Dear you,

Here I am writing another letter to my present and future self, as to remind me of who I am and things that I am grateful for.

You see, as cliché as it may sound, you have to love yourself first before attempting to get close to anyone, especially when it involves people who are not emotionally available because sometimes people only reveal their true selves after a period of time and you need to be able to cut these people off immediately when the odds are against you, instead of be left hanging all alone. I know you question yourself if you were ever enough for someone you love but the truth is that the problem lies in your inability to prevent these people from coming into your life and draining your soul away.

You need to get it in your head that you too have issues because you let them in when you are emotionally unstable and it may be largely due to your loneliness and misconception that you are filling your void by filling theirs too with love. You ended up getting hurt again and again. If you feel you are better off alone then be it like that. Some people might not get it, you are enjoying those empty void within your own embrace. Focus on yourself, please.

You need to know that the wonderful thing is that those mistakes and that damn rebellious phase that we had, those scars, and all the times we had to be our own hero and pick ourselves up when no one else was there. And, embrace our past. After all, they are the root of our characters. They are the reasons that sharpened us and narrowed the gap between who we are and the person we want to be, present and future.

All I want is I wish that someday you would be genuinely happy without having to go through these dark moments again. I wish that you would truly come out of the shell and be who you really are comfortable with, happy and alone without any interference from anyone that may obstruct your path towards self-discovery and happiness. 

I hope that you would stop blaming the yourself, stop whining and start building walls around you to keep those unworthy out of your life because in that way you will know who truly matters and cares enough to climb over the walls that you have built to protect yourself. Those who worth it.

I hope you remember every single struggle we face to overcome the disadvantages of ourselves and  you will be able to look back and see exactly how far we have gone and thought that, oh well look at that girl she finally made it.

Stay strong and stay true to yourself.

With love, Syafika