You were beautiful and now, you are beautiful.

The feeling of doubting yourself because of who you are. Why do you think that you are not as wonderful as you once were?

Life is unpredictable, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, paths that we cannot always make sense of. You give the world permission to break you down until you feel as if you do not have the courage to rise again.  I wish I could make sense of the loss we feel and the loneliness so deep in our chests it feels as if it is a part of us. You are too plain to ever stand out. You are too reserved to find a place in this world. You are too deep and complicated that people have a hard time to understand you and accept who you are.

But what is beautiful about our existence is that our circumstances will always shift. We won't always be down in the dumps, longing for something, anything to make us feel happy again. We won’t always struggle with our heartbreak, or wake up every single morning, reminded of what we lost.

Pain brings healing in time. You don’t have to let your brokenness keep you weak and fragile forever.

Because the truth is, you will never be defined by your broken self. And even in your lowest, you are beautiful and strong. Even on the days where you make mistakes you think that you are not worth to fight for it. Even when you stare at your tired face in the mirror, you are beautiful. We won't always see ourselves as less. 

Here is the thing, everything that we go through teaches us who we are. We have to remember who we are and what we have become. We have to have faith and believe that better days are coming. A soul that is masked with pain is a beautiful soul. A soul that, no matter how broken or tired, the soul is still beautiful.

You let your insecurities drag you so far into the depths of hell that you fail to realize that who you are from the inside out is what makes you who you are. Nobody is like you, and that is beautiful. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. You have to believe that you are beautiful, despite what you have been told, despite what you have gone through. You have to be kind to yourself and love the person that you are.

You are a flower that blooms even in winter.

You are wonderful. You are beautiful. But most importantly, you are who you are. And I hope you always remember that.

Hello and warm greetings to whoever be reading this. Guess who is back after two months break silencing away from the blogging stuffs? Well yes that is me. I do took a long break time from here but that will be it, welcome back to myself. Recently, there is this thought about revamping my blog but I feel like this look and concept have always feel like home. I have always enjoyed blogging, but you know life sometimes got in the way.

True that, I have been a bit quiet here for a while but it does not mean that nothing was happening behind the scenes. Lots of thing happened while I took a break from writing some stuffs. There is this thing that I meet new people, and sharing a lot of quality time with my family. You know, sometimes you just need to step back a little, change your perspective, take your time, reflect on what is going on and make future your plans and stuffs.

Lots of things happened these days. Alhamdullilah I have been blessed with good things and I am thankful for that as I can keep the pace for this semester. And to add on top of that, my internship placement has been approved by my desired law firm and guess what, the firm just take about 10 minutes from home and a tad exciting that I will be starting internship in the upcoming July this year. Few days ago, my younger brother finished off his diploma studies with first class honors and I am proud of him. He always been the brain of the family, and I acknowledge that. I am a proud big sister, if you ever read this congratulations bub you deserved it.

Nevertheless, all these good things happened recently made me feel motivated, empowered, enthusiastic, and blessed. Alhamdullilah. I know that a lot of things will shift from now on and it is my responsibility to make things happen and I will make them happen. Two of my dreams came true in the span of the same time, and I am working to strive for more.

May this positive energy will stay for a long time and I do need it. New semester has just started and things will get as busy as ever in a few weeks. I really hope that this semester season will give myself some space and possibility to reflect, and make some important decisions and plans.

Well then, I told you about how these good things that happened to me recently. Be proud of you and yourself. May I see you again in my next post.

Have a good day people.



With love, Syafika

Hello, it has been a while. You might notice some changes here and I did changed my url blog as I think that the current one fits better and I feel more comfortable than the last url blog name. I also changed my blog's name. Well, it was a sudden thought that I should go by a different blog name now. I feel way better with the current change ups. It may be subtle as I did not have enough time to change the whole blog design into a new one (I have been searching the most suitable design that will fits my blog concept and still searching, haha) but this would be my blog look right now. I am going on full strike to use my first name instead of my real name as I have always been skeptical about using my real name as an online persona, as time passes I might get comfortable on my own pace. 

Nothing to write much here, I would consider this as an interlude. My finals is coming up in two weeks span of time and my preparation is halfway through that. Another few cups of coffee to get through the nights and notes that I need to revise on. Just the same mundane things over and over every semester but lets get this bread. My study pace is somewhat different now that how it used to be, oh well I used to study around five hours everyday but at present, three hours would be enough for me. I tend to sleep early and wake up around the early morning hours to just revise something quick and continue to sleep back again after an hour. And I feel way better than my usual routine, this should be the way at the moment. Lets see if I can keep the pace up until the end of finals. 

As you all know, we will be going into another new decade next year and it baffles me on how fast time flies. I will be turning a year older next year, adulting will be way harder than it is later but anything lets do this. Three semesters left only for me to juggle and hustle in law school but days are getting hectic. Everything will be alright.

Around this hour, there are too much thoughts that I need to vent out but this girl need to prioritize her study time. Third year of law school is already a tough ride, and I cannot have the expectations to think about my final year next year, too much about that. I wonder why did I ended up reading law and being in a law school, but I signed up for this and I need to cope with everything. Everything will be alright in the end, I hope so. 

Just a short post coming through here, this might be a bluff but I will take a month break as I need to settle down everything after final exam ends later, I need to have a peace of mind and taking a break is all that I need. My current posts are already dull as it is but that's all there to it that mostly contain my rants about my hectic student life. 

Dear you, I hope that you are in good health. And I will be back with a stronger view of life with a peace of mind and heart. Guess I might see you on my next post around next year, very well.

With love, Syafika

Hello and good day to you. It has been a while, people. I have been too preoccupied with the university life and extra academic activities. My last post was around in September? Whew, need to fix on that. There's so much things happened to me in these few months, but I finally turns twenty-one years of age about a week ago. Reaching into adulthood life much, I had a decent dinner with my family as I went back home to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones. I felt content with everything now, my pace with studies gradually catching up to how it was before, as I feel the drawbacks are coming to me in all senses. 

November finally, there is a month left before next year? Time flies fast. Also, it is going to be a hell of a month with assignments submissions, presentations, formal events, and academic things. It is exhausting but I will get through with it. I really need to settle down with everything before I start prepping up for the upcoming finals next month. May I survive with all of this. Hectic but those are mundane things that I need to live by.

I will be participating in an advocacy competition that will held on next week but talking about preparations, I feel like I could not do any better to cope with it. I have been dealing with mini-stress breakdown, with the ongoing roller coaster of emotions that kinda affect me in some way. This is what I signed up for, and I need to cope with that. Huge burden and expectations to our team but I have faith on them, we will do well. We just need to fuel it around this eleventh hours and hustle.

I planned to make it short as I feel like I want to write some things that maybe could live up my posts that were left with no updates. There's a few drafts that I wish I could finish soon, but not now. I need more time to put a note on those, stay tuned. Take care of yourself and have a good day. 

With love, Syafika

Hello and greetings to all of you. To be honest, I kinda feel sorry to my blog that I have not been able to write as much as I want to these days. New semester coming up next week, and how I have been feeling? Nothing much lately, although that I am looking forward to learn new subjects and discover new things. Talking about blog, I want to change to a new look and I am currently searching for any designs that catered to my liking. It might take some time as I want to change it slowly and maximized it to a look that I am looking for. Fret not, I will not turn it into private-mode in case you would want to read my old posts. This look has been a constant look for a year and five months. Geez, I wonder why the urge for me to change it to a new look would be now, when I am busy preparing for the new semester but all in all, I will upgrade it regularly.

The semester break was good. I spent a lot of time watching my favorite netflix shows, korean dramas and variety shows and even binge-watching some anime that I have always wanted to watch back then. Life has been treating me good lately, I took an extra care for my skin (as it has been breaking out ever since my practicum ended) but all better now. I cluttered my wardrobe, sold some outfits as preloved items (it was a good experience and I earned few bucks) and donated half of it to my mom's friend as charity. It was good, truly good. Besides, my room was upgraded to a new look, I cleaned the whole house and cut off some unused items, recycled a few things and my house look way better than before, to note that I planted new plants at the backyard of my house. The Marie Kondo life really inspired me to be active around the house instead of being a devoted couch potato, at times. 

As now I am currently writing and drinking an apple juice right at the morning, I am watching my food intake as I want take care of my health better, I have been  frequently sick and honestly it is a let-down that I could not take of my health better, but I do not want to dwell on it. That's it, my so-called back to square one experiences. As much as my recently life updates. 

Since the new semester is beginning right now I just want to say to all students, all the best for your new semester and strive for the better. Not to forget to the new students, welcome to the degree life, savor your moments. Take care.

With love, Syafika

Dear you,

Here I am writing another letter to my present and future self, as to remind me of who I am and things that I am grateful for.

You see, as cliché as it may sound, you have to love yourself first before attempting to get close to anyone, especially when it involves people who are not emotionally available because sometimes people only reveal their true selves after a period of time and you need to be able to cut these people off immediately when the odds are against you, instead of be left hanging all alone. I know you question yourself if you were ever enough for someone you love but the truth is that the problem lies in your inability to prevent these people from coming into your life and draining your soul away.

You need to get it in your head that you too have issues because you let them in when you are emotionally unstable and it may be largely due to your loneliness and misconception that you are filling your void by filling theirs too with love. You ended up getting hurt again and again. If you feel you are better off alone then be it like that. Some people might not get it, you are enjoying those empty void within your own embrace. Focus on yourself, please.

You need to know that the wonderful thing is that those mistakes and that damn rebellious phase that we had, those scars, and all the times we had to be our own hero and pick ourselves up when no one else was there. And, embrace our past. After all, they are the root of our characters. They are the reasons that sharpened us and narrowed the gap between who we are and the person we want to be, present and future.

All I want is I wish that someday you would be genuinely happy without having to go through these dark moments again. I wish that you would truly come out of the shell and be who you really are comfortable with, happy and alone without any interference from anyone that may obstruct your path towards self-discovery and happiness. 

I hope that you would stop blaming the yourself, stop whining and start building walls around you to keep those unworthy out of your life because in that way you will know who truly matters and cares enough to climb over the walls that you have built to protect yourself. Those who worth it.

I hope you remember every single struggle we face to overcome the disadvantages of ourselves and  you will be able to look back and see exactly how far we have gone and thought that, oh well look at that girl she finally made it.

Stay strong and stay true to yourself.

With love, Syafika

Hi, rise and shine people. It has been a long time since I last wrote something here. I has been in and out from the realm of blogger almost every single day but never had the capacity to actually complete my unfinished post drafts that seems to be adding on and on. Lets put aside that, pretty much I want to write about my life updates here. There has been much of things happened to me in such a period of time, yet I do not know if this post will too long or too short or maybe I just want to scribble and write anything that comes through my mind. 

Well I get it, my last post was somewhere around in May. I took a short break due to my final exams and I told myself that I would be back once I am done with finals but it was one hell's of a ride that I finished my finals with overload fatigue and sleep-deprived for all time that literally I had one week off being a slouch (eat, sleep and repeat) before I start working. Nevertheless, since I have a month break before new semester starts on September, I decided to not work as I really need this short break to have a peace of mind and heart, my body needs rest  and I am giving it with ease. 

What about my life updates?

Practicum

I had a month of practicum at the Court of Johor Bahru. It was a bliss that I have been blessed with great supervisors and nice staffs to help me throughout four weeks that I was assigned there. Different cases on different days, it seems like a different of real-life practice from where I learned in the law school. Say it between criminal and civil aspects, criminal would be more intrigue to me but my unconditional love for civil matters is not swaying. My friends has been asking on which matters that I would pursue for career in the future, as I did not have a change of mind on civil matters, maybe that would be it for now.

Academic things + law school

Last semester has been challenging, I encountered through on and off motivation to juggle up through the law school but it's all good now. Trust me kids, if you ever crossed your mind to be in a law school, have a brace of heart and survive it well. I am not emphasizing on law school only, any courses that you are willing to take, make them the beloved ones, proud of you. I am now be left with another four semesters to complete the journey, I had some ups and down through the past semesters, but I am trying my best to ace law school till the end. Never lose hope.

Working on myself

Well it's not the typical things you talk about when it comes to these things, as I am now expected to graduate in a year and a half span of time, I need to think more about my future, career and things related to it. Adulting is hard, there is no doubt about it. I have been saving up to buy my first car, and yes I want to buy a car with my hard-earned money to complete the list before I am turning a year older by next year. It would be a great self-satisfaction when you actually buy something with your own money. I do motivate myself from time to time by rewarding myself of some treats whenever I accomplished something.

I guess thats all the things that I can talk about my little life updates. There is nothing special about it. I pray that will all the goodness so I can update my blog with ease that I would not left my blog hanging for months as new semester will begin soon, a month away for now. Take care.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last write something here, well what a student life that I have upon me, nearing to the end of the semester. Assignment, projects, tests and programs which all of that made me look like someone who has not been sleeping around for a month, not to mention that I have been neglecting on my self-care these past few weeks. Sure, I have a lot of things to do and prepare as in finals is in due two weeks from now. I don't have that high expectations though I just want to give all my best.

Am I feeling lost and misplaced? Or just tired and exhausted?

These days I have been questioning myself, "why am I feeling like this?", my mind seems to be lost in the ocean of thoughts till I am not aware of how fast time flies by. Want to know something that is commonly weird? It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep I get because I still wake up feeling tired, mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. No amount of coffee can cure it, am not sure how many cups I had consumed. Sugar intake alert.

It’s tiring to repeat the same routine day after day. To know exactly what is going to happen on that day because my world has become unsurprising and predictable. I wake up and go to classes, come back to my room right after class, lying down on the bed scroll through social media or do whatever else I can to distract myself. And then I fall asleep again. 

I have been feeling dull and worn out lately. It’s tiring to keep convincing myself that everything is going to be okay, that things are going to get better. I keep forcing myself to think positive, to raise my expectations, but it’s only a matter of time until the disappointment come to me again.

They said, find something new that might pique my interest but I feel like I want to do nothing, responsibilities and priorities is the ones that I cannot run away from. Strike up a conversation, talk to people might be good but it's tiring, the least thing I would not consider to do at the moment. Feeling like I am going back to square one. 

The thing is that it is tiring to feel this way when I know there is so much I have to look forward to in the future. When I know there is still so much of this world I have not encountered into. Now, I am not sure where I stand at this point of my life. I feel like that I am lost and unsure where to look for direction. I spent too long denying my own feelings and now I feel like an unraveling soul.

Maybe and maybe I just want to feel different, because what I am feeling right now is numb. It sucks to have a feeling like this, knowing the fact that you cannot have control over it, it just come to you at sudden. Maybe I have to radiate my focus on something else right now. Something that makes me feel like it is worth every second and minute to invest my time and energy on that so that I don't have to feel like this at some moment.

Something to add here, I just realized for goodness sake how long I have been gone from the realm of blogging and it is exactly a month? Need to blame my university life for that but it's the norm that I cannot keep up with writing a post every week, I might need to improve on that. I will be back sooner or later once I am done with my finals. Have a good day.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all you. May you have a good day. 

It is a common thing that we care so much about whether or not someone likes us, because that is common. Not only that, but it is a natural instinct to want others to accept us. We still feel compelled to care what others think of our looks, our personalities, and our success.

So, we try hard to gain as much affection from the people around us and question what aspects of ourselves we need to change in order for that to happen. The problem with this is that we forget to ask whether or not we even like these other people or whether or not we even like ourselves when we are with them. Because the perception of other, in what we think it is matter. 

This is why we need to learn to stop giving a damn about what other people think. Not giving a damn about what other people think means to give a damn what you think. It means acknowledging your own feelings and placing worth on them, instead of wondering so much about what others feel. It means recognizing your own self and accepting it for what it is. We all have a place in this world and if you feel as if others are judging you and making you feel less than what you deserve, then that is not your place and you need to leave.

Your life should not be about pleasing other people, that is now what it is. Do not let their opinions pull you down to their level. You know what it is you are doing and why, causing the opinions of others not to even matter. Once you realize this, it makes it much easier to not give a damn what they think.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last wrote a post. As usual, life has been busy to me as in the midst of finals week on approaching a few of my last papers, I took a short break to write a wrap-up post for this year. I have got so much to say and to express about, this year is truly one of the best year that I have ever had, despite the ups and downs but I am getting there, in wrapping up this year with grace and blessings.

Thoughts on this year

Here is to the year I will treasure the most,

You taught me to see my failures as a stepping stone towards something greater. I learn to see the limitless potential that I have in myself. I begin to accept that they are paving the way to the direction that I am meant to go and understand that every failure is leading me to success. I used to dive myself into the regret and fear of how things would never be the same. But now, I have come to see that on every goodbye, it is the start of a new beginning that I truly need. That I should focus on the abundance of new chances that are coming on my way.

You widened my comfort zone by forcing me to confront my fear instead of running away. You taught me to get out of my comfortable zone and be comfortable of it. You tested my persistence and my determination to live through the good and the bad and I was so glad that I rise up above the challenges and be myself, as what I am deserve to be.

Because of you, I learn that changes may be painful but it is for the better. It is better to pluck up my courage and grab my chance with limitless possibilities than stay stuck in the same story. It is better to have faith that something beautiful is coming along than stay stuck to the past continuously. That it is better to live my life to the fullest, and I want to treasure it.

You also taught me that the past is the past for a reason, as what the phrase could be "let the past be bygones", and I should always look forward. You let me understand that everything happens for a reason and it is the lesson of yesterday that build me to the strong and independent woman I am today. This year has taught me so much about some things that I never knew, and I take that as a lesson for me to become a better person, every single day.

And you taught the thought to always be kind to others, no matter how it goes. I am blessed with a strong support system, a loving family, amazing friends and the existence of the people that I love and care, on whom I shall showering them with my endless love and support. Forever and always. Thank you, to each one of you and you know who you are. 

There were tears and heartbreak when all I want is to swallow them in myself. But there were also good times when my hard work was blessed and unappreciated things that brought me to the end of the road. There were sweet victories and triumph when I refused to be afraid of the fear and accomplish what I thought impossible by facing it with bravery. Throughout all, you allow me to find the strength I never knew I have it in myself. I learn to trust in myself that I can do anything if I have the passion and drive for it. I learn to love the person that I am and slowly growing into.

Thank you, 2018 for all the lessons and because of you, at present I am a completely different person from whom I used to be a year ago. And I will become the best version of myself that I desire to be.

Here is to 2019, may the year will be granted with all the good things and happiness and I am ready for the challenges that will be coming through my way, may the force be with me. All rise and heads up.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to all of you. I hope you are safe and sound, probably living well coping with life. These days, I think that I seem too stressed about coping up with life that currently I am living in. "Why are you always so busy and stressed?,” I was asked on the phone a few days ago while fast-walking to my next class. People mostly would say, well it is university, you are supposed to have fun because none of that seems to no avail when you will be entering the work life. That is what everyone assumes. And it is true, I have a blast moment here. But you only have four years and you want to make the most of it. So what do I do? Get involved with everything while you can, not to that extent though.

This semester is rough. Classes are tiring and I have more assignments and tests than I ever have before. The classes are beginning to become more and more important as they are aimed toward my major and I want to succeed. But I also want to have fun and be involved in extra activities. So I find myself constantly on the move with a million tasks and errands and meetings running through my mind. Most of us like to stay busy, but I personally tend to try to fit too much in one day. My planner is full of the squiggles that are my life. I am not sure I would survive or make any deadlines without it.

So yes, if you are wondering, university/college is hard and busy. It is getting me prepared to step out into the big, real, scary world that awaits me after I graduate. I love this kind of life because I get to decide what I do, but sometimes I want to do way too much. I overlook myself easily, but at least I am getting the full experience. Well I will admit I complain a lot about being busy, but I would rather be involved and make the most of my four years. I have already made a ton of friends, connections, memories, although in the moment I may not be happiest about having such a long day full of activities, I am fine with it.

What a short post, it seems like I am getting lazier to write something these days but probably because of the hectic schedule and tiredness but blogging is a fun way to get away from reality of life, and I want to make sure of that.

Have a good day everyone.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. I hope you are in the pink of health. Ah, it is that time and day of the year, 31 October 1998, what an eventful for my family as their first child was born and the only sole daughter of the family. You know what makes that this date even meaningful? Halloween Day, yes I love Halloween, for some reasons. I might just be too excited for Halloween than any days of the year, I feel like I have to excuse myself for the special night.

Thoughts on turning twenty this year?

Well, I have spent the past couple of weeks saying different ways to hide the fact that I was entering a whole new decade of my life, it is exciting. However, I found a bunch of other ways to ease my way into being 20. Most importantly, I made sure to surround myself with my beloved people and something that made me feel content.

Between relishing the birthday phone calls and messages, I spent video-call with people who I care about and also care about me. Even though I could not be with my family in person on the special day, well perks of being a student whom university is 12-hours drive a way from home. I do have my own support system here and I am glad about that. Having people instill that belief in me throughout the day was enough to accept the fact that I am twenty now, no matter how grown-up and scary that may sound, knowing that growing up might be a trap.

Turning 20 means both the end of the teenage era and the start of grown-up life, even so, I keep reminding myself that despite twenty meaning a lot of big things, for me, turning twenty means I will have another decade of life experiences to write about, more pages to write in. Well maybe I am okay with it if I think about it like that. Because as I grow, so do my words. Growing “older” does not have to be a part of this. It is just the growing phase. Mixed feelings about turning twenty do put me in any sense of unjustified reasons.

Getting a year older, a year wiser can have major consequences. Responsibilities, duties, maintaining an air of professionalism when in terms of thinking about your future. But with age comes wisdom, apparently. I can no longer consider myself a teenager, and I think that is pretty weird. I am still pretty much a wild child at heart, in a good way I mean. But, I am also still me. And perhaps my age does not define me.

What does turning 20 means to me?

Turning 20 is about who I want to surround myself with, who I am now, what I want to experience and who I want to be in the future. Well thats a lot of things to think about. I do not know what will happen in the future, but I hope the best is yet to come. Here goes from nothing to something.

A warm greetings to all of you. Guess what, I am back with a stronger view of my life recently. In my previous post, I kinda feel half-hearted about writing a post but when I read it back, it feels amusing to me that I could get so lazy and have been running out of ideas about what to write in order to keep my blog from turning somewhat dusty and quiet. The feeling grasping about what happened in my life recently, I cannot say nothing much about it. 

So what about recently that I has been talking about?

As the semester break is coming to an end, I am currently preparing some stuffs before the new semester will start soon. It is hard to believe but yes, I miss the studying environment, lofting around my bed probably doing nothing other watching dramas or reading. The summary of my semester break would be nothing much to say. Mixed feelings about the upcoming semester but lets just wait and see about the unforeseeable of future chances and future events. 

It might be sudden but I kinda want to talk about BTS, my ultimate favorite group there you go as they just released a new album that also marks an end era to the Love Yourself trilogy, one of the best albums of the year. A rare side of me actually to talk about them neither K-pop, as I usually expressed my fangirling moments only in twitter, yes I am. I have been pretty much being an Army around  2013, somewhere just after their first album released and they debuted, a very peculiar group that succeed to divert my attention to them. I never talk about them like this, but I truly treasure them. If feels somewhat their trilogy albums speak out to me, so does everyone who is battling with their inner self to embrace themselves. Just like them growing to be where they are right now, all of their albums show their journey of being an artist that everyone is looking up to. Along side with me growing up from a teenage girl to a young girl in the present, I am looking forward of what the future endeavors that BTS could hold onto. In the meantime to those who want to know who they are, please check out BTS & I gotta say that you will not regret it.

But it upsets me that some people would downgrade them because of their fame now. They have been working hard ever since they debuted and they hardly get any rest. I have to say that BTS are one of the most hardworking and talented groups that I have ever seen, the efforts that they put into their work are no joke. They deserve to be where they are right now and I hope they will know that. I am proud ARMY and I will always be, I may not be able to attend their concerts because well I probably cannot afford it but someday I hope I will, but nonetheless of that will not break the bond. I just had to say this because I noticed that some people can be really bitter with their success. All of their songs are one of a kind, our youth, our dreams and about ourselves, that is what they always talk about in their songs. That is why you feel that some of their songs really came straight from the heart and it reached us, it feels like someone could read your mind out loud. Well, that is BTS.

Alright, this is what the recently I am talking about, on the side note I just want to talk about my boys here, pardon me because this is a special post dedicated to them. I am planning to write something that feels personal to me in my next post, so stay tuned! Have a good day everyone.

Listening to Epiphany by Jin (BTS)

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings I bid to all of you, whoever reading this. May you have a nice day ahead. Well, I wonder why I put that as my post title this time, been running out of ideas on what to write these days, is this what being in blogger guilty pleasure because yes, I did feel like that. But shrugs, as I am continuing to rants about my life and thoughts that running wild right now, I wonder what I could vent out this time? The good and the bad in life, sure is an interesting thing to vent out to.

The good and the bad?

These days, I have been questioning, “does everything happens for a reason?” for a pretty long time in my life. As we get older, a lot of things occur in our life, which might be good or happy things or bad or things that make us sad. There are things that we are can control, but I would say that there are much more things that we are out of control. I guess that is just how life works and we got to deal with it. But the important thing is to own the things that we are capable to be in control in life because those are the things that will change your life for the good. The things that are out of our control are what they are, and whatever will be, will be. All you got to do is to learn how to deal with them. Of course, easier said than done but at least we have to try. 

We are human and there are times that we feel down and negative. That is the most natural thing that a human can feel, and that is the same as feeling happy and positive. I guess people tend to think more negatively when things are not going the way they truly want. It is because we feel emotionally down and that leads to negative thoughts. But I tell you, negative thoughts would not lead you to anything good. I am not saying you should never feel negative, because I think you actually need to feel the negativity to become positive, there should a nice balance of it. But do not let the negativity drown you for a long time. Let it be there for a little while, and let it go. If you spend too much time being negative, it is no good for you.

When a good thing happens in life just genuinely be happy and appreciate it. When a bad thing happens in life just think that it’s a lesson for you to become a stronger and wiser person. We all have ups and downs and that is the law of life. You just have to work on it, and let the rest just happen. Through all my experience in life, now I believe that everything happens for a reason.

On the side note, I wish to all Muslim happy Eidulfitri Al-Mubarak and to those who are celebrating all across the world. May you have a blast. Till next time, have a good day and take care everyone.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to you all. May you have a nice day ahead and are in the pink of health. Finals just ended smoothly for me, or not so-very-smooth but I did my best. Trying to aim high than the last semester as I am aiming for a scholarship this year. May the odds be ever in our favor. Tonight, as I sat across in front of my laptop, accompanied by the sound of typing, it finally hit me, that the second semester had just ended two days ago. And I came back home to my family, after all family is all we got. Finals ended sooner that I thought. But the thing is, I have loads of things to prepare for the upcoming Eidulfitri this year.

Mind me to remind you that this post is pretty much a long post, I just had to vent out all of my thoughts and I have a lot of things that has been wandering on my mind to say. 

Thoughts on ending my second semester and freshman year

I remember that all those sleepless nights that I had during finals just for the sake to burn the midnight oil. Not much of someone who is in the rush hour to revise all the notes, but I did some revision weeks earlier before finals. It is just that my anxiety hits me that sometimes I feel I did not have ample time to score high and answer well in the finals. But this is the bittersweet of studying, there are just high and down of it. It may be tiring but it will be worth it. I did not expect much for the result, but I hope that I will maintain the good grades and pass with flying colors. 

I can vividly remember lofting my bed after hours of studying and sleeping on the floor while studying for finals. I remember how sad that was, but how excited I was to be finished with my first year of university. To be frank, nothing much happened during my freshman year of university. But the thing is that fact that I will be in my second year a few months now on before the new semester will be starting do put me in blank space, for most of the time.

Also, my second semester was not much anything better than the last one, but I had some bonding session with my dear roommate. In twenty years, I will be telling my children about the nights she and I would stay up laughing, or how we watched movies just about every day. A lot is changing, ending, and beginning as this second semester comes to a close. We are about to be seniors, continue to live with our pulp imaginations, and seriously considering our future.

As my freshman year of came to an end, so many emotions came over me and they were all happy ones. I was happy for all the wonderful friends I made, I was happy for all the amazing memories, and I was happy to be going home again, and this time for longer than just a few days, this time it is gonna be months.

When people say that your freshman year of university flies by, that is an understatement. I feel like it was just the other day that I was moving in to a foreign room with someone I have never met, not realizing they would soon become some of my closest friends, and now I am already a quarter of the way done with my university life. No one ever talks about the good ones, the ones where you become so close that you have made friends you will have for your entire life. I am extremely grateful for the amazing roommate I had this past year, and can without a doubt say that we will be friends for life.

Although many people have left my life, this new chapter of my life has brought so many wonderful people into it, people who will stay in it for the long haul. As cliché as it may sound, and as often as you have probably heard this, university really is where you make your lifelong friends, and I never truly understood that until this very moment. I am so grateful for all the amazing memories I made this past year, and I cannot wait for many more for years to come.

I am looking forward to these next two months of being able to spend time with my family once again, I have been missing out lots of things and I need that bonding time with them again. I realized this is just the beginning. I have so much to look forward to in this life, and my freshman year is to thank for helping me figure that out. There are so many places to go, so many things to do, and so many people to meet. This world is full of opportunities that I never would have imagined, and I am looking forward to seeing what my future holds. 

The excitement for the semester break comes with the reality that there is no much hassle. I have to work to earn that money, as being someone who is young and kinda broke though I did not spent that much money when I was studying, but I wonder where the heck did all my money went to, oh foods. I get to meet some of my high school friends and catching up with our life while chilling in a coffee shop. It has been a long time since we last met. Semester break comes as a time to relax and enjoy, and this one is going to be one of the most memorable I am gonna make, I gotta use the time to work and earn money, because honey, the real world is not much of what we dream of.

Semester break brings a time of joy to life and helps re-energize students everywhere, but I would be lying if I told you I did not miss those late nights of watching dramas/shows and polishing nails with my mates all through freshman year. So lets soak it up. My freshman year was a nice one, though I wish I could more memories with some people that I keep dear to my heart but here is to more years of making another new memories here.

My highlight of the semester whereas I were hugely devoting myself into mooting competitions and be a part of the university mooters team. I am so proud of my teammates and I wish to work with them again in the future, sometime later. The results in the end, we are the 1st runner up for the competition, I am truly happy and proud of my team. To Syafaf & Co, this one is a shoutout for you.

To the upcoming college freshmen, your first year of university life is going to be a life changing year that does not last very long, try to appreciate every moment while you can. Newfound independence can be a scary thing, but it also makes you learn so much about yourself that you never thought imaginable. Cherish this time and all the memories. Even though the time is short, the memories you make will last a lifetime. Have a good day, everyone.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. May you have a nice day and are in a good health. It has been pretty much a hectic week for me as the finals is just a couple weeks away. Club activities, assignments, tutorials questions, presentations and all those related to that, it feels like I could barely survive with lack of sleep and rest. I have nothing much to update here as I feel like I am abandoning my blog and this feels like a guilty pleasure. To be frank, I have been eating clean for a while and did some intense workouts to look better and feel good about myself, I am pretty much normal with my weight but you know, sometimes you have to get in shape. Aside from that, working out also makes me feel better.

At this sign of the times, my mind are running high on thoughts and here are the gist of it.

Barely surviving at this age?

You know, Being in your 20s at this age, no matter how and what, is just plain hard. It is an uphill battle that you have to fight on. It is a battle between what you really want to do with your life and what everyone around you wants. I am turning 20 soon and I feel like I have worried enough in my life to be at least 60 by now. I know that if you are reading this, you are struggling. You feel like you are not good enough to get that good things you want. I always feel like that, every single day. You feel like everyone else around you is killing it, while you still live with your pulp imaginations.

I always thought being a teenager would be the worst of it all. You are full of raging hormones and angst, and you whole-heartedly believe that the entire world is against you. But, here, your 20 come quicker than you think and you are hit by so much anxiety and worry that you do not know what to do with yourself.

People would think that graduating seems like a celebratory moment at the time, right? You survived four years of countless assignments, tests and sleepless nights and you have a degree to prove it. I remembering feeling proud of myself for a brief moment on a day, until I got bombarded with questions about about my future plans. I know you probably feel scared that you would not amount to anything. And you are feeling unworthy of any success you might have already gotten by now. And I know, it is easy to put yourself down. 

But, here is the tea.

You are not alone in your anxiety. You are not alone with what you are worrying about and with what keeps you up at night. Everyone is scared. Everyone has dark thoughts about their future and where they are headed. Everyone is just as petrified as you are. Everyone this age has to walk on several different paths and turns to get to the one they are meant to be on. And everyone you meet is fighting the same battle as you, just with different timing.Sometimes, I wonder if I am on the right path that I want in life, but little did I know that Allah had given me this opportunity to do the things that I love, learning something that I have always wanted to. I feel thankful for a reason.

And what you need to realize is, you do not need to always move in fast motion. You do not always need to run until you are out of breath. Work at your own pace. Live at your own pace and what is comfortable for you. Stop comparing everything to everyone else. Stop looking at other people’s lives instead of your own. Being in your twenties is sure hard. It is downright exhausting at times. But it is going to be so and so worth it.

Because one day, you will look back on this time in your life and smile because it all worked out. And one day, you will look back on this time in your life and know that you were moving in the right direction all along, whether you realized it or not. And I hope you will feel better. Have a good day, everyone.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to all of you. May you have nice day and I wish you are in a good health. You know, thinking too much about future can be traumatizing though we cannot live in focus. Oddly, for some reason, over the past few years I have had relatively few long-term ideas about the future. Perhaps it is because I did not know who I was or planning your life years ahead makes living it a little bit less fun. Maybe it is because things never turn out the way you picture they would. For this once, I let my imaginations fly.

Where I see myself in the future?

Considering my nature, in my imagination I can imagine myself working in a legal firm. I pretty much imagine myself as an advocate and solicitors. Within a couple of years, I already own a firm of my own with a small team of mine filled with people whom I trust and build strong relationships with them. I might be a no-body in the sense of myself, but at least I know at all times what I must do. 

Maybe one day, I decided to pursue Masters in Law somewhere in UK. After finishing my studies, I decided to come back to my homeland and continue to work in the legal firm. I imagine myself as an independent young lady with visions in mind, committed to family and career, have a knack for travelling around the world. meeting new people and be adventurous. 

Here is the thing – I dont know how the future will be. Neither do you, or you would be a millionaire. Sometimes the things that seem like great decisions in life come to haunt you as time passes. Other times, bad ones get rewarded or at least they teach you something new that helps you cope with life. One thing I do know about the future is that if you want to survive and get a chance to do better next time is simply not to lose yourself.

It is kinda difficult to imagine where I will end up in the future. Let alone looking ten years ahead, I cannot fully describe my life. Sometime, people think about future as an entirely separate world. Things are different from what they are currently experiencing. But for whatever imagination lacks as it faces in reality, it makes up for an exciting experience. To imagine myself how I would be in the next few years of myself can only provide a semblance of what the future holds for me. Some of them may turn out to be true, some of it may would not.

But as we can all see, the future remains to be a mysterious place. We will never know what will happen in the future and we will never know how exactly it will turn out. Maybe for the best and maybe for the worst. Still, the important thing is that the future should be an exciting place where anything can be possible. And it is where we should striving our goals so we may work towards achieving them later on.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you and may you have a nice day ahead. Here is to an open letter to myself. Lately, I have been drowning myself in thoughts, loads of things that I want to vent it out but sometimes I keep myself shut. Sometimes when I am talking to my friends, I realize that I always let myself down. This made me question how much importance we hold in the way we view one another. Sometimes, being a social butterfly drains my energy out, but being an introvert-mysterious person would let people start talking about me.

But why I feel that burdens me so much?

Dear myself, I hope you will not let anyone convince you that you cannot do better, letting yourself down and tell that you do not deserve more because I know you do. You deserve someone who makes you see the best parts of yourself, who loves being around you, the person who bring out yourself the most and love yourself just the way you are. The person who makes you think that you are wonderful and makes your believe in yourself.

You know,  the world does not revolve by everyone have to “follow your dreams” by instant from the beginning. Some people have to start at the bottom, and work their way up. I encourage you to follow your dreams, just understand that it may take longer when you are working your way up the ladder. But just remember, it will be that much more meaningful when you reach your destination that you desired. It may seems hard for now, but you will get through it.

Yes, it is important to work hard and give your best efforts. But lets face it, some people are smarter than others, they are just born with it and that is alright. Sometimes, you have to work a little harder to get where you want to go, and that is fine. A path with no obstacles would not lead you anywhere worth going. Your worth are not represented by grades or academics, you have to know that. Your worth is not represented by your mistakes. You are a human being, and humans make mistakes. That is the beauty of being imperfect. Do not ever let your mistakes define who you are. 

Society's standard really set us up high, with fame and beauty and to look pleasant, beautiful just to please their eyes. We see the pretty models on the magazine covers and that is beauty. Your worth is not represented by your insecurities about yourself. But, that is just how the entertainment world works and you  should not letting yourself reaching their standards, instead you should own ones. Everyone had a few insecurities that they wish to hide it, but that is what makes yourself different than the rest. This may sounds cliche, but we are all beautifully different in our own ways.  

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr Seuss

You know, I hope the time comes when you are finally able to see the kind of love that you deserve, and you are worth it that you ever know. And I hope that time comes soon, because it is really tiresome when people tell that you are not good enough, letting you feel bad about yourself and I know I should put a note to that.

With love, Syafika

Hello to all of you. May you have a nice day and I wish you are in a good health. The new semester has just began about two days ago, there is nothing much changed for this time, except for a few subjects that are exciting to learn for. Have been unpacking loads of things that I brought from home, for sure thats a lot of things that are packed in that big luggage of mine. Also, I have been decorating some new bits for my room, looking the same as it is around last year, it has only been a few months since I resided in here. At present, I am in the semester two of my first year in LLB, or you could even call that as final semester of the first year. Either which one, that probably sound the same.

Thoughts on starting new semester?

Well, I could not say much about this, but I do want my holidays back. I have been casually, no too much loving the semester break that I had but it was not enough. I need more holidays, but priorities wont leave me alone, I guess. Unfortunately, for this semester, there will be no mid-semester break and for someone like me whom her home is 12 hours drive away from the university, that is hard. But I will be fine, I mean, I have my friends here, they could light up my world and getting rid of that homesick feeling. I am not much of a homesick person, but sometime I really want to come back home to see the ones who I love. Guess I will be seeing them soon somewhere in June.

Here is the thing - I am writing this post exactly at 11PM, taking a break from what I was doing, as a stream of consciousness before the next day begins. I have so many emotions rolling around in my head that the only proper way to get them out is to just let them flow naturally, with no thoughts to focus on. Lost somewhere around.

Honestly, I have been rotating between feelings of excitement and feelings of anxiousness about starting the new semester. It has already began, but I have some doubts about myself. Things getting tougher every new semester. I will be a busy-bee with Mooting stuffs and other things related to that. Last semester took everything out of me and having a break for a month and a half has been amazing. It has been nice to study and hustling in law school, then come home and either take a nap or just chill out around the house. No responsibilities, no pressing assignments. It was really nice, that feeling, I need that again.

I dont even know how much I will be blogging since new semester has just began, and I need to cope with everything in control. I have a few blog post drafts to be finished at, but I know this semester is going to be pretty crazy. I dont think it will be as crazy and exciting as last semester but I am taking four law subjects and they are getting tougher every single day, and the other university core courses that pretty much heavy on reading and stuffs. 

This time, I enter every semester with big plans to stretch myself, really research for good experiences, and put all my effort into my classes. I have big plans this year. I am taking some exciting classes, like Business Law and that make me anxious to get started with this semester. To be frank, I feel like I am going to learn so much more about things that I really wanted to learn all this time. I dont think I am going to be as stressed as I was last semester, but this was too early to say this. For one thing, my classes are not much different from last semester, but on Monday and Tuesday, my classes will end at 1PM and that is good. 

Blogging guilty pleasure

Currently, I fall so much behind on blogging stuffs. I have no time to visit other bloggers with their blogs and expanding my horizon better. I was planning to have my own domain by the end of this year, but seems that I have a long way to go. I need to improve and that will take a lot of time. Pretty much I can say that I had big plans about blogging but I did nothing. I just let it pass. That probably what they called as blogging guilty pleasure, nuff said.

I have nothing else to say, other than I am nervous about this semester. I am nervous about how I will do, how I will handle the courses load, and what kind of assignments will be thrown at me. I know I can handle it. I just have to prove it to myself again. Hopefully, I wont have too many whiny blog posts this time around. A fresh start for the new semester, brace myself up and stand tall! This time, it is going to be different. 

Being a student with so many dreams, I try to outlook every possible step to become better and confident each day, which is why planning about all the new things in new semester makes me all excited. With that, I am signing off for the night.

Greetings to all of you. May you have a nice day ahead. So, I have been casually enjoying my semester break that will about to end in a month. Yes, time do flies fast. On the side note, my exam result of the first semester will be revealed in two weeks span of time. Fingers crossed for that. I did my best although I had some doubts, but whatever that will happen, I believe it will be alright and may Allah ease everything. Unemployed, binge-watching TV shows, movies, and of course, the huge-sensation Stranger Things, I really love the series, those are the things that I enjoyed doing over this semester break. Gotta let my mind and soul rest at it best before the hectic life will be coming back to me. 

This post has been in the draft quite some time, of course being the expert procrastinator like I am, took me forever to be done. Guilty pleasure of blogging, that being said. My highs and lows of 2017? Well, I have a lot to say about this. Lots of things happened in 2017, the ups and downs, the best moment I have ever had in my life, countless things that I wish I could turn back time and cherish the moments to the fullest. 

Lows

I changed, for the better. Well, the color of the trees changed too for most of the time, so does people. I am not who I used to be back then. But, going through a glimpse of slump-phase at that time, I was stressed out. I shut myself out from people, and minding my own business. That was bad, frankly. My family was worried about me at that time, and they thought that I had some trust issues to deal with, well I would not deny that. Luckily, I feel better about myself and I know that I will survive this. Things getting better over the time passes. 

Highs

ONE - Celebrated the new year of 2017 with my friends

This may way too long to even remember about this, but I will not ever forget about those moments. I loved it, everything. It was unplanned but I really had fun. We even pulled an all-nighter and talked about lots of things, life talks at 3AM, who would not love that. This is a precious memory and I will treasure it, thanks.

Honestly, this is the highlight of the year. I got into a law school, you did well, myself. I am proud of you. Those sleepless nights, crying over how hard learning law as it is back in my foundation in law studies, those hard work and efforts finally paid off. Now that I am in the first year of LLB, I have a long way to go but I would not let the years of my university sink down deep in the ocean just like that. That would be having fun to its fullest and acing law school at the same.

THREE - Back into blogging

Cheers. I am back into blogging. To be frank, I pondered about loads of things before deciding to be back with blogging, have been on a long-hiatus for two years, that was hard. But the good thing is, I am now used to this like I used to be back then, and I wanted to express myself better, this could one of the ways to do it. I may have a long way to go to get back to where I used to but here to many more years of being a blogger and improve myself better. 

My 19th birthday last year was a memorable one. This would not sink deep in my mind just like that. I was so clueless before the surprise birthday celebration happened, I never thought that my friends would do something like this, I mean I am not the one who used with all of these things, getting a surprise birthday celebration was something else. I am truly grateful for them. 

FIVE - Went out with my crush (currently now ex-crush) (technically not, with his friends) 

Honestly, I love that day the most throughout the year, I mean, I went out with someone that I like. For goodness sake, I could not contain how happy and gulping in nervous I am at that time, being able to be with him this close, I was afraid. But I decided to slide that feeling aside because this will only happen once in a lifetime, so I gotta cherish it to the fullest. We talked a lot and I was attracted by his unique charms, and I loved it, although I may never get to experience this again. But, I am truly grateful for the brief memories that I shared with him and I will cherish this all my life, I really meant it. 

To be frank, I kinda expected that I would not have lots of things to write for this, but this was something else. 2017 was a good year for me despite through those ups and downs, and I am looking forward to what will be my highs and lows in this year, one fine day. Signing off for the day, have a good one!

With love, Syafika