So to you who feels alone, I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling that way. They say misery loves company but in reality, it does not want company, it wants someone to understand the emotions they cannot even understand themselves. To you who feels alone, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling that way.

It is the blanket you embrace on a hot summer night, covering you, making you uncomfortable for no apparent reason. You want it but you do not want it at the same time. It is like deciding to walk in a park on a bright sunny day then suddenly, it starts raining, and there was you standing there in the rain.

You know that strange feeling of being a stranger in a familiar place full of familiar faces? It is loneliness of lonesomeness disguised as irony.  It is feeling empty that makes you lonely. In contrast, being lonely that makes you feel alone. You look beside you and there is an empty space. 

I know you have had sleepless nights. For days, weeks, or months. What matters is that how you really feel. The feeling drowns and suffocates you. Allow it to take so much space in your heart. Feel every bit of sadness and longing. Do not leave an empty space in your heart. This is what matters. It is okay to not feel okay. Allow yourself to fall apart and be in different pieces. Because it is in these moments where you can decide to be a different version of yourself.

Be an empty box. Allow that emptiness to swallow you in creating so much thought in your mind. Seek the company of no one. Allow yourself to ponder things on your own. Allow yourself to let no judgments cloud your thoughts. You are the master of your own mind and the only person capable of putting yourself back together. Seek to do things that you never thought you could do on your own. Get yourself together pieces by pieces. 

You are beautiful. You no longer need that validation from someone. Because when the time comes that you do realize you are then it would be easier to love, to share yourself, and express yourself to someone all over again. That is a wonderful thing.

With love, Syafika

A shining solo, right there. Having to not attached to that someone who is dear to you usually can be pretty fun. You can do everything without having to ask someone first. The freedom is so addicting in a way that I do not mind staying like that for now. I still do not know what made me enjoy it when most people are afraid to be alone when in contrast I do enjoy it a lot. Bring out your independent single woman side, ladies.

I do value all the moments of pure bliss of being alone, I know that at some point it just does not feel like enough. Night after night of lying in bed alone, and falling asleep with my mind racing with no one to share my unsaid thoughts with, is enough to make my whole being feel kinda sorrow.

You are a beautiful soul. And just because it is taking longer for you, does not mean you would not find it. There is someone who looks at you and thinks you are like art. They think they have never seen someone as magnificent as you. They know how special you are and your worth.

I know that on the days that are the hardest, I am wishing I could come home to someone. At least in some point, someone that I could lean on and count on him. I want to share all those thoughts that are trapped in my head. Yet the truth is, nobody can promise that to you, so I do that so that I can promise myself. I can promise yourself that I are doing the best that I possibly can, I have made it this far on my own, and for that reason I will be alright.

Staying single for too long made it harder for people to convince me to love and trust someone, it might take some time. It is not that I do not want to, but because I am kinda afraid that after all the effort of keeping myself guarded up will only be put to waste after being attached to yet another wrong person. This is a different me, after all I have changed.

Because no matter what I do, I will never be enough for someone who looks for something else. So now, I wait for the day to come without forcing things to work out. I will wait until it happens naturally. Because I know for myself that when the timing and the person is right, it will come. Because I will be willing to trust myself just to be with that person no matter what may happen in the future.

If you are still out there, you still have a lot of time to hone yourself and enjoy the world independently, go and discover, take your time.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. Finally, I got to finish off this post for now that it has been in the draft for a while. I can be too cliche sometimes, but my mind can be wandering to many unsaid thoughts, and I feel that I need to vent it out. That is the only way that could keep me feeling relaxed about it. I wonder about lots of things in life. I wonder what it feels like to be in a relationship, I wonder what it feels like to actually have someone care for you, and-

I found it to be a rather heavy question that is not easy to answer. Not everyone feels as though they are truly happy. That is the sad reality of life, we simply cannot be happy all the time. The happiest, most joyous people you know have probably been through some incredibly dark, traumatic times. Just like the old time saying, "a happy person hides the saddest smile".

I do enjoy happiness is in appreciating the small things. Once you feel the happiness start to take over you, you get this overwhelming urge to extend it to other people. A happy interaction with another person can be anything. It can be a really good conversation where you get to know someone new and you realize you really like them. It is when you hear a good joke and you tell it to someone else and they laugh, too. It is when you offer to pay for someone's lunch and even if they act like they did not want you to, you know they appreciated it.

Happiness is ever-growing and ever-changing. It will take on several different meanings for us throughout our lives. This is what it feels like to me, right here, right now. We may stumble and fall in our pursuit of it, but you will get there, and it feels a little something like this.


With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. It seems like most of my friends and family know how much I love the night time, and darkness. My mom is worried of me that I might be enjoying the darkness too much, but I am fine with it. In fact, I totally love it. Night and dark are good for me. 

We have all experienced negative darkness, those long stretches of the night when we cannot sleep, and worry about everything, and so we know that "dark time" can seem interminably long, can be scary and terrifying compared with daytime. But as I slowly growing up, I have yet learn to accept and loving the beauty of the darkness, the night time. Yet this slowing of time can be the most relaxing and beautiful experience. Spending the evening in candlelight, and maybe by the fire with no TV talking, telling stories, letting the lit-up world, expands the hours, and alters the thoughts and conversations we have.

To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative, I feel safe. I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall, but not if I switch on the lights, then I start thinking about anything that is possible not a background to thought. I like the slowness and serenity of the night. It puts me at ease.

Dreams, cold, sleep, love, slowness, time, quiet, books, seasons – all these things, which are not really things, but moments of life, take on a different quality at night-time, where the moon reflects the light of the sun, and we have time to reflect what life is to us, knowing that it passes, and that every bit of it, in its change and its difference, is the here and now of what we have.

Night is the time for personal experiences, quiet time, intimate time without interruptions from external forces. I have always like being out at night, it makes the city exciting - all the colorful lights, people, brightness and the wind breeze of the night. The beauty of the darkness. It all seems possible in the dark of night.

Somehow the darkness of light opens me to a more expressive self, less concerned about what people may think of me, more open to experiences. As someone who loves to be in the dark and enjoying the night time fulfilled with the city of the lights, I can express myself better than I should be.

Say, I wonder if you feel the same about enjoying the darkness.

When I was younger, anxiety is what made me concerned the most out of it. I remember that someone conducted a few psychology tests on me about anxiety, well I could tell that it was not good. I remember how I used to have low self-esteem and letting myself down all the time, I shut myself out from people for a while, only to find that I am getting worse. It was for a while, but the aftermath of it affected me for the rest of my life, until this day. But what made me changed is that, something that sparks in depth of my heart like a tiny voice saying that I cannot be like this anymore. I realized that I need to change, I have to learn to love myself and embrace my flaws. 

You have to learn to accept your flaws and no one is perfectly perfect, even if they try to be one

Sometimes it is difficult for humans to feel free in this world. Society tries to place people into confining little boxes. We are told how we should look, think, and act. At times, there is not a lot of room to express your individuality, your unique self. People who are different tend to face a lot of rejection, and try hard to fit in the crowd. They are ostracized and are told that they are not worthy of love. Here is the thing, do not mind of what they would say, you may find it hard to get it from your head but just be yourself. Embrace yourself more, give yourself of what you deserve, and love.

I used to be those kids who tried so hard to fit in the crowd, but then I thought that all of that was not worth it, I feel like I did something wrong to myself. If the so-called introvert yet mysterious me is what the perception is like to people, then be it like that. Perception and impression are always in contrast but yet are the same thing. You will never know a person until you really get to know them.  

Every individual has something unique and interesting to add to the world. My grandma used to say this when I was younger as if I remember it, do not ever question your existence into this world, you are created because you have a purpose to be fulfilled here, and be a decent human being.

Do not be afraid to let your true self shine through. Eventually most people will learn to love you. The ones who do not simply are not worth your time. If you ever start to feel trapped, just remember that the butterfly. No matter how many times you try to catch a butterfly, it will always find a way to break free.

I can say that I changed for the better now though sometimes I kept getting a flashback of how I used to be in that time, carefully thinking that I will not let it happen again, ever.

With love, Syafika

 A warm greetings I bid to all of you, whoever reading this. May you are in the pink of health. Well this is an interesting topic that I can talk to, comfort zone. I always think that I would be alright if I stay in my comfort zone but no, I can explore much better by getting out of my comfort zone. It is incredibly easy to stay in the comfortable life you have made for yourself, sure it feels really nice to be in that kind of moment. 

Getting out of your comfort zone

You better believe that I would choose a pair of sweats over a nice outfit any day, but I guarantee no one will think I mean as someone who prefers comfort over fashion, but there are the days that I would dolling myself up and stay dressed up, occasionally. It would be so easy to live in what you know forever. Well, you should never be worried about getting new friends in a new place, getting adjusted in a new place, worrying about what kinds of foods should you eat for dinner, planning your outfits for the rest of the week. It is easy to live like that. It is nice to never worry about those things.

But is it worth it? Are you settling into this life that society thinks that you should have just because you have a piece of paper that says you are educated?  If you have not asked yourself these questions in the last couple a months, I hope you will take them into consideration. You should be fearful of mediocrity. Do not strive to be average or normal. You can be so much more than that, you just have the passion for it. I remember when I was little I was told by everyone who surrounded me that I could do anything. What happened to that? How come now when we are in our twenties we keep hearing that we have to settle in order to make life better? 

Here is the thing. Do not do it because you see that all your friends are married at this time of the age, getting into a relationship and your afraid of being alone. Do not do it because you think that it is a good job that could afford your life, even if you hate every second of it while working. Get out of that comfy sweat pants emporium you are living in right now, sure it is comfy but after a while dont you think that you should made some change up for your life?

Maybe getting out of your comfort zone is not your biggest priority right now, but why not? And it is not like you have to go halfway around the world to feel uncomfortable, just do something new, even if it means not getting your usual lunch at your usual dinner. Hopefully this is the push you need. And if so you ever need this, I hope it will be. This is just a mere thought of mine that I happened to across to these days. Have a good day and take care everyone.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. May you have a nice day ahead. Now, such an interesting topic that I am gonna vent out here all there. What is homebody? Homebody means a person who prefers and pleasures activities that center around the home. In other words, someone who likes to stay at home rather than go out to have some fun. Why this thing intrigued me? Well, I am a homebody person. Most of my days are consist of me staying at my dorm/home, it is not like that I do not want to go out to breathe fresh air, I did that regularly, but I do enjoy staying at my room/home and I feel better. 

A homebody is not the person who hates socializing but the one who is selective in their schedule and values their time more by being alone or stay at home

I prefer staying home because I can do lots of things. Sure, I can enjoy an occasional night out, but I would much rather crawl into my favorite sweats, cuddle up to my beloved bed and watch a movie, any night of the week. There was once a point in all of our lives when the idea of staying home on weekend nights seemed out of the question. 

I did not feel like missing out, though. But, the amount of social pain I once felt if I missed a gathering could almost bring me to tears back in the day. Would people notice if I was not there? Those were just a few of the questions I considered. I stopped caring about how many pictures I could take to fill in the Instagram stories. Thats when my friends started teasing me, saying, "You never go out anymore," or "You have got no jams" like Namjoon said to Jimin.

There is always going to be an event somewhere, especially in university. There are those people in life who love going to all of the events, there are those who will occasionally go out and then there are people like me. The ones who would much rather stay home on the couch in sweatpants and a sweatshirt over going out. 

There are plenty of other exciting things life has to offer outside of hanging out on the weekends. No, it does not make me or anyone else boring for passing that up. But thought like this "You need to go out and meet some new people, get engaging in the conversation and expand your horizon, you might need it in the future" sure, sometimes I would meet interesting people, but rarely. Most of the time it was the same. The conversations you have with people who love you are more meaningful and wise for me. I just wish I realized it sooner.

People often ask me, "Does not it bother you to be home alone while everyone else is out?" My answer now would be something like, "No, absolutely not" I cherish my alone time, I do. Being alone is one of the most beautiful things you can give yourself, you can do anything you want on your terms. Being a homebody means you are comfortable enough being alone that you consistently seek it out just to get some quality time with your favorite person, yourself.

So, during my first semester of my freshman year, I kind of tried to hide my love of being a homebody by going out in the beginning of the year and going out like anyone else would. But after going out only a few times, I realized that doing this and going out just was not me and I was not ever enjoying myself, even with all of my friends surrounding me. So I slowly began to decline going out and I would stay in my dorm room where I felt "at home" and more myself. But my friends, luckily, seem to understand this preferences that I chose and I am thankful for them. I am still hanging out with them, occasionally.

It just a lifestyle that I happen to enjoy quite a lot. I have come to realize that it is completely OK to be a homebody, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would stay at home cuddled up on the couch watching movies and listening to some songs while my friends were out with a bunch of people. And that is just how I liked it. People are different. Finding comfort in being alone is something that takes time, but happens for everyone at different stages. 

The truth is they are not anti-social. They just have different priorities and preferences.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. May you have a nice day. Honestly, I want to vent out my thoughts, for most of the times, especially around this time early in the morning, I have loads of it, the thoughts that I need to vent out. I am used to feeling all lost and alone for most of the times, but here it is, I want to say a lot about this. There might be people out there who feel like they are a failure and lost, disappointed with themselves, and been too stressed out about it. I hope you will feel better with this.

You are not alone and you are not a failure 

You know, for most of the times, maybe at 3AM in the morning, lost in your thoughts and thinking that all of things that happened to you, sinking down your emotions. You may find yourself wishing the bags under your eyes were money bags instead of dark circles. Everything have been stressing you out and you got tired of it.

There will be struggle, of course

You cant avoid it, there will always be struggle. This is what makes life worth living. The bad days make the good days better. You will be thankful for all the things that happened, both good and bad, to get you there.

There are days you look in the mirror and wonder why you are putting yourself through this. There are even people who tell you to quit, but do not listen to them. You need to stay motivated, stay focused, and do not listen to the ones who tell you to take a step back and quit what you are striving for. They will tell you it is not possible. Turn those impossible things into a possible one.

Tell yourself that it is okay to feel down and insecure 

Not everyone at the top all the time anyway. Everyone gets their own of highs and lows, they just dont always like to show it. Feel what you are feeling now, remember it, understand that it happens to everyone. Feeling that you lack in some ways actually shows that you acknowledge that you have more space to improve. Dont beat yourself too much for feeling down, you may have gotten there against your will, but you surely can crawl your way back up.

Learn how to turn your weakness into strengths. Make that feeling that you are lacking as your driving force for you to strive harder, to do things better. Someday, you will get to a point when you will just laugh at how hopeless you once felt and how you thought you could never survive from it.

It is okay to feel lost at times, it is okay to not know where to go or what to do

After all, that is what life is supposed to be, life is a process. You dont know what is going to happen and that is alright. Some may pretend to, but definitely, no one does. That is how life plays. Nothing is guaranteed anyway. We can never know what will happen in the future.

You never were. You are just someone who is having difficulty surviving through life, someone who is having a hard time trying to see his/her worth. Just hang in there and hold tight because when the time comes that the storm will pass, the clouds will part and the sky will finally shed its light again. And by then, you will finally see that.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. May you have a nice day ahead. I was looking through my high school photos and I think I lost all, almost all of my photos during school days, excluding the photos that was taken during my high school's graduation day. Now, I have to trace back all those goddamn good old photos during my school days. But then I realized on how I hated my high school life for a reason, my life at that time was not an easy journey. I ended my high school life with unsure feelings, torn between the decision on how I am gonna change myself for a better version of myself. I had to remind myself that the emotional vertigo of high school could never have been avoided.  

Lets face it, it is a crazy thing, the moment when you realize that your high school days are coming to an end. Looking back at the last few years, I laugh at all the mistakes I made, all the weird things I did, in a way, are quite insignificant to me and this is my identity. People have known me so well with my 'weird' and unpredictable personality. That is totally cool with me. I would not change much of my high school experience, even though sometimes, I wanted to go back to those times and change the things that went wrong. But I do wish I would have known a thing or two when I stepped into those bustling on the first day of my high school life. 

You know, no matter how long you have been out of high school, there are many things you wish you knew in your years of high school. We make mistakes and experiences throughout high school. It was undeniable, that was the glorious phase of growing up. I did admit that I was a rule-breaker during my high school life, not to that extent extreme one, but I did thought that "rules are meant to be broken, right?" and now here I am, how irony it is that I am a law student and enrolled in a law school, a few years later after I finished my high school. Life is so unpredictable. But being in a university student, I realize there are so many things that I wish I had done differently. Since I can not time travel and change, so here is my advice to everyone of you, high school peers. 

ONE - Your “weirdest and lame” high-school experiences will be your precious treasure

High school is all about our glorious phase of growing up. Savour it while you can. You probably won't experience it again once you graduated high school and embark on the next journey, your university life. I kinda hated my high school life for a reason, but that will be my proudest. My string of unrequited crushes, my try-hard style, my distinct dislike of high school things and everything related to that.

TWO - First impressions do matter

I used to think first impressions were overrated. Be yourself, but try to start off on the right side. I think it is natural for people to remember their first impression of you than others. After all it is all about yourself at the end of the day.

THREE - Your grades do matter but your grades does not define who you are

Study hard and pay attention to your classes in your school seriously. You need it, for your future. As people said that "your grades does not define who you are," but hold on, this does not mean that you should not put effort into your studies, you should, but do not obsess over what your grades could mean. That is not what school is all about. Enjoy your school life while you can and ace papers at the same time.

FOUR - Try to find your passion as early as you can

You know, it is not wrong to start thinking about what you are gonna be in the future. Figure out your passion and what truly interests you. At the end of the day, you will already know what path you gonna take after you are done with high school, just starting there slowly so that you would not be left clueless.

FIVE - Stop trying to grow up

This is what I thought about it - it is not the time, maybe you don't need to be an adult, for now. Stay a kid as long as you can, because time flies fast and before you know it, you have to pay bills on your own and manage things on your own too. No one would be willing to do it for you, don't even think about it. Someday, you will know what an adult will be like. I know this probably sounds silly, but you know, being a grown up is not as fun and carefree as you think.

SIX - Boyfriends are overrated

Easy there, chill. If you have one, then good for you. I wish you all happiness and be well. But if you does not have any, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I have nobody special right now at the moment and I am content with where I am in life. Stay single and slaying in life with your strengths. Cheers to us, ladies.

SEVEN - Stop caring about what people think about you

It doesn't matter so stop obsessing over how you look and how people will perceive you. The best moment will be when you get to college and realize that you can wear sweatpants, or even your-hobo like outfits and no makeup to class every day. No one will care. 

EIGHT - Treasure your time with your family

Believe it or not, you will miss them a lot in college/university. A lot, like a lot. Spend your time with your family and treasure those moments. Once you leave the home for college, it will not be as lively as before. 

NINE - You can not please everybody

You know, human beings were not built to please every other human being on this planet. Just be yourself and it is their loss to think that you are not good enough for them. Don’t waste your worry on things that don't matter.  

Remember that you have got your whole life ahead of you. You have a long way to go. Take this and learn from experience. You will need this sooner or later when you grow up in the future. There you have it. That is all for now. We all get wiser in time, so sit back and relax. Just go on with the flow, you doesn't need to worry about other things. Focus on your priorities for the time being.

" Adolescence is not just about go to a prom or wearing sparkly dresses, " - Jena Malone 

With love, Syafika