Dear you,

Here I am writing another letter to my present and future self, as to remind me of who I am and things that I am grateful for.

You see, as cliché as it may sound, you have to love yourself first before attempting to get close to anyone, especially when it involves people who are not emotionally available because sometimes people only reveal their true selves after a period of time and you need to be able to cut these people off immediately when the odds are against you, instead of be left hanging all alone. I know you question yourself if you were ever enough for someone you love but the truth is that the problem lies in your inability to prevent these people from coming into your life and draining your soul away.

You need to get it in your head that you too have issues because you let them in when you are emotionally unstable and it may be largely due to your loneliness and misconception that you are filling your void by filling theirs too with love. You ended up getting hurt again and again. If you feel you are better off alone then be it like that. Some people might not get it, you are enjoying those empty void within your own embrace. Focus on yourself, please.

You need to know that the wonderful thing is that those mistakes and that damn rebellious phase that we had, those scars, and all the times we had to be our own hero and pick ourselves up when no one else was there. And, embrace our past. After all, they are the root of our characters. They are the reasons that sharpened us and narrowed the gap between who we are and the person we want to be, present and future.

All I want is I wish that someday you would be genuinely happy without having to go through these dark moments again. I wish that you would truly come out of the shell and be who you really are comfortable with, happy and alone without any interference from anyone that may obstruct your path towards self-discovery and happiness. 

I hope that you would stop blaming the yourself, stop whining and start building walls around you to keep those unworthy out of your life because in that way you will know who truly matters and cares enough to climb over the walls that you have built to protect yourself. Those who worth it.

I hope you remember every single struggle we face to overcome the disadvantages of ourselves and  you will be able to look back and see exactly how far we have gone and thought that, oh well look at that girl she finally made it.

Stay strong and stay true to yourself.

With love, Syafika

Hi, rise and shine people. It has been a long time since I last wrote something here. I has been in and out from the realm of blogger almost every single day but never had the capacity to actually complete my unfinished post drafts that seems to be adding on and on. Lets put aside that, pretty much I want to write about my life updates here. There has been much of things happened to me in such a period of time, yet I do not know if this post will too long or too short or maybe I just want to scribble and write anything that comes through my mind. 

Well I get it, my last post was somewhere around in May. I took a short break due to my final exams and I told myself that I would be back once I am done with finals but it was one hell's of a ride that I finished my finals with overload fatigue and sleep-deprived for all time that literally I had one week off being a slouch (eat, sleep and repeat) before I start working. Nevertheless, since I have a month break before new semester starts on September, I decided to not work as I really need this short break to have a peace of mind and heart, my body needs rest  and I am giving it with ease. 

What about my life updates?

Practicum

I had a month of practicum at the Court of Johor Bahru. It was a bliss that I have been blessed with great supervisors and nice staffs to help me throughout four weeks that I was assigned there. Different cases on different days, it seems like a different of real-life practice from where I learned in the law school. Say it between criminal and civil aspects, criminal would be more intrigue to me but my unconditional love for civil matters is not swaying. My friends has been asking on which matters that I would pursue for career in the future, as I did not have a change of mind on civil matters, maybe that would be it for now.

Academic things + law school

Last semester has been challenging, I encountered through on and off motivation to juggle up through the law school but it's all good now. Trust me kids, if you ever crossed your mind to be in a law school, have a brace of heart and survive it well. I am not emphasizing on law school only, any courses that you are willing to take, make them the beloved ones, proud of you. I am now be left with another four semesters to complete the journey, I had some ups and down through the past semesters, but I am trying my best to ace law school till the end. Never lose hope.

Working on myself

Well it's not the typical things you talk about when it comes to these things, as I am now expected to graduate in a year and a half span of time, I need to think more about my future, career and things related to it. Adulting is hard, there is no doubt about it. I have been saving up to buy my first car, and yes I want to buy a car with my hard-earned money to complete the list before I am turning a year older by next year. It would be a great self-satisfaction when you actually buy something with your own money. I do motivate myself from time to time by rewarding myself of some treats whenever I accomplished something.

I guess thats all the things that I can talk about my little life updates. There is nothing special about it. I pray that will all the goodness so I can update my blog with ease that I would not left my blog hanging for months as new semester will begin soon, a month away for now. Take care.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last write something here, well what a student life that I have upon me, nearing to the end of the semester. Assignment, projects, tests and programs which all of that made me look like someone who has not been sleeping around for a month, not to mention that I have been neglecting on my self-care these past few weeks. Sure, I have a lot of things to do and prepare as in finals is in due two weeks from now. I don't have that high expectations though I just want to give all my best.

Am I feeling lost and misplaced? Or just tired and exhausted?

These days I have been questioning myself, "why am I feeling like this?", my mind seems to be lost in the ocean of thoughts till I am not aware of how fast time flies by. Want to know something that is commonly weird? It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep I get because I still wake up feeling tired, mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. No amount of coffee can cure it, am not sure how many cups I had consumed. Sugar intake alert.

It’s tiring to repeat the same routine day after day. To know exactly what is going to happen on that day because my world has become unsurprising and predictable. I wake up and go to classes, come back to my room right after class, lying down on the bed scroll through social media or do whatever else I can to distract myself. And then I fall asleep again. 

I have been feeling dull and worn out lately. It’s tiring to keep convincing myself that everything is going to be okay, that things are going to get better. I keep forcing myself to think positive, to raise my expectations, but it’s only a matter of time until the disappointment come to me again.

They said, find something new that might pique my interest but I feel like I want to do nothing, responsibilities and priorities is the ones that I cannot run away from. Strike up a conversation, talk to people might be good but it's tiring, the least thing I would not consider to do at the moment. Feeling like I am going back to square one. 

The thing is that it is tiring to feel this way when I know there is so much I have to look forward to in the future. When I know there is still so much of this world I have not encountered into. Now, I am not sure where I stand at this point of my life. I feel like that I am lost and unsure where to look for direction. I spent too long denying my own feelings and now I feel like an unraveling soul.

Maybe and maybe I just want to feel different, because what I am feeling right now is numb. It sucks to have a feeling like this, knowing the fact that you cannot have control over it, it just come to you at sudden. Maybe I have to radiate my focus on something else right now. Something that makes me feel like it is worth every second and minute to invest my time and energy on that so that I don't have to feel like this at some moment.

Something to add here, I just realized for goodness sake how long I have been gone from the realm of blogging and it is exactly a month? Need to blame my university life for that but it's the norm that I cannot keep up with writing a post every week, I might need to improve on that. I will be back sooner or later once I am done with my finals. Have a good day.

With love, Syafika

So to you who feels alone, I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling that way. They say misery loves company but in reality, it does not want company, it wants someone to understand the emotions they cannot even understand themselves. To you who feels alone, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling that way.

It is the blanket you embrace on a hot summer night, covering you, making you uncomfortable for no apparent reason. You want it but you do not want it at the same time. It is like deciding to walk in a park on a bright sunny day then suddenly, it starts raining, and there was you standing there in the rain.

You know that strange feeling of being a stranger in a familiar place full of familiar faces? It is loneliness of lonesomeness disguised as irony.  It is feeling empty that makes you lonely. In contrast, being lonely that makes you feel alone. You look beside you and there is an empty space. 

I know you have had sleepless nights. For days, weeks, or months. What matters is that how you really feel. The feeling drowns and suffocates you. Allow it to take so much space in your heart. Feel every bit of sadness and longing. Do not leave an empty space in your heart. This is what matters. It is okay to not feel okay. Allow yourself to fall apart and be in different pieces. Because it is in these moments where you can decide to be a different version of yourself.

Be an empty box. Allow that emptiness to swallow you in creating so much thought in your mind. Seek the company of no one. Allow yourself to ponder things on your own. Allow yourself to let no judgments cloud your thoughts. You are the master of your own mind and the only person capable of putting yourself back together. Seek to do things that you never thought you could do on your own. Get yourself together pieces by pieces. 

You are beautiful. You no longer need that validation from someone. Because when the time comes that you do realize you are then it would be easier to love, to share yourself, and express yourself to someone all over again. That is a wonderful thing.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all you. May you have a good day. 

It is a common thing that we care so much about whether or not someone likes us, because that is common. Not only that, but it is a natural instinct to want others to accept us. We still feel compelled to care what others think of our looks, our personalities, and our success.

So, we try hard to gain as much affection from the people around us and question what aspects of ourselves we need to change in order for that to happen. The problem with this is that we forget to ask whether or not we even like these other people or whether or not we even like ourselves when we are with them. Because the perception of other, in what we think it is matter. 

This is why we need to learn to stop giving a damn about what other people think. Not giving a damn about what other people think means to give a damn what you think. It means acknowledging your own feelings and placing worth on them, instead of wondering so much about what others feel. It means recognizing your own self and accepting it for what it is. We all have a place in this world and if you feel as if others are judging you and making you feel less than what you deserve, then that is not your place and you need to leave.

Your life should not be about pleasing other people, that is now what it is. Do not let their opinions pull you down to their level. You know what it is you are doing and why, causing the opinions of others not to even matter. Once you realize this, it makes it much easier to not give a damn what they think.

With love, Syafika