You were beautiful and now, you are beautiful.

The feeling of doubting yourself because of who you are. Why do you think that you are not as wonderful as you once were?

Life is unpredictable, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, paths that we cannot always make sense of. You give the world permission to break you down until you feel as if you do not have the courage to rise again.  I wish I could make sense of the loss we feel and the loneliness so deep in our chests it feels as if it is a part of us. You are too plain to ever stand out. You are too reserved to find a place in this world. You are too deep and complicated that people have a hard time to understand you and accept who you are.

But what is beautiful about our existence is that our circumstances will always shift. We won't always be down in the dumps, longing for something, anything to make us feel happy again. We won’t always struggle with our heartbreak, or wake up every single morning, reminded of what we lost.

Pain brings healing in time. You don’t have to let your brokenness keep you weak and fragile forever.

Because the truth is, you will never be defined by your broken self. And even in your lowest, you are beautiful and strong. Even on the days where you make mistakes you think that you are not worth to fight for it. Even when you stare at your tired face in the mirror, you are beautiful. We won't always see ourselves as less. 

Here is the thing, everything that we go through teaches us who we are. We have to remember who we are and what we have become. We have to have faith and believe that better days are coming. A soul that is masked with pain is a beautiful soul. A soul that, no matter how broken or tired, the soul is still beautiful.

You let your insecurities drag you so far into the depths of hell that you fail to realize that who you are from the inside out is what makes you who you are. Nobody is like you, and that is beautiful. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. You have to believe that you are beautiful, despite what you have been told, despite what you have gone through. You have to be kind to yourself and love the person that you are.

You are a flower that blooms even in winter.

You are wonderful. You are beautiful. But most importantly, you are who you are. And I hope you always remember that.

Hello and warm greetings to whoever be reading this. Guess who is back after two months break silencing away from the blogging stuffs? Well yes that is me. I do took a long break time from here but that will be it, welcome back to myself. Recently, there is this thought about revamping my blog but I feel like this look and concept have always feel like home. I have always enjoyed blogging, but you know life sometimes got in the way.

True that, I have been a bit quiet here for a while but it does not mean that nothing was happening behind the scenes. Lots of thing happened while I took a break from writing some stuffs. There is this thing that I meet new people, and sharing a lot of quality time with my family. You know, sometimes you just need to step back a little, change your perspective, take your time, reflect on what is going on and make future your plans and stuffs.

Lots of things happened these days. Alhamdullilah I have been blessed with good things and I am thankful for that as I can keep the pace for this semester. And to add on top of that, my internship placement has been approved by my desired law firm and guess what, the firm just take about 10 minutes from home and a tad exciting that I will be starting internship in the upcoming July this year. Few days ago, my younger brother finished off his diploma studies with first class honors and I am proud of him. He always been the brain of the family, and I acknowledge that. I am a proud big sister, if you ever read this congratulations bub you deserved it.

Nevertheless, all these good things happened recently made me feel motivated, empowered, enthusiastic, and blessed. Alhamdullilah. I know that a lot of things will shift from now on and it is my responsibility to make things happen and I will make them happen. Two of my dreams came true in the span of the same time, and I am working to strive for more.

May this positive energy will stay for a long time and I do need it. New semester has just started and things will get as busy as ever in a few weeks. I really hope that this semester season will give myself some space and possibility to reflect, and make some important decisions and plans.

Well then, I told you about how these good things that happened to me recently. Be proud of you and yourself. May I see you again in my next post.

Have a good day people.



With love, Syafika

Hello, it has been a while. You might notice some changes here and I did changed my url blog as I think that the current one fits better and I feel more comfortable than the last url blog name. I also changed my blog's name. Well, it was a sudden thought that I should go by a different blog name now. I feel way better with the current change ups. It may be subtle as I did not have enough time to change the whole blog design into a new one (I have been searching the most suitable design that will fits my blog concept and still searching, haha) but this would be my blog look right now. I am going on full strike to use my first name instead of my real name as I have always been skeptical about using my real name as an online persona, as time passes I might get comfortable on my own pace. 

Nothing to write much here, I would consider this as an interlude. My finals is coming up in two weeks span of time and my preparation is halfway through that. Another few cups of coffee to get through the nights and notes that I need to revise on. Just the same mundane things over and over every semester but lets get this bread. My study pace is somewhat different now that how it used to be, oh well I used to study around five hours everyday but at present, three hours would be enough for me. I tend to sleep early and wake up around the early morning hours to just revise something quick and continue to sleep back again after an hour. And I feel way better than my usual routine, this should be the way at the moment. Lets see if I can keep the pace up until the end of finals. 

As you all know, we will be going into another new decade next year and it baffles me on how fast time flies. I will be turning a year older next year, adulting will be way harder than it is later but anything lets do this. Three semesters left only for me to juggle and hustle in law school but days are getting hectic. Everything will be alright.

Around this hour, there are too much thoughts that I need to vent out but this girl need to prioritize her study time. Third year of law school is already a tough ride, and I cannot have the expectations to think about my final year next year, too much about that. I wonder why did I ended up reading law and being in a law school, but I signed up for this and I need to cope with everything. Everything will be alright in the end, I hope so. 

Just a short post coming through here, this might be a bluff but I will take a month break as I need to settle down everything after final exam ends later, I need to have a peace of mind and taking a break is all that I need. My current posts are already dull as it is but that's all there to it that mostly contain my rants about my hectic student life. 

Dear you, I hope that you are in good health. And I will be back with a stronger view of life with a peace of mind and heart. Guess I might see you on my next post around next year, very well.

With love, Syafika

Hello and good day to you. It has been a while, people. I have been too preoccupied with the university life and extra academic activities. My last post was around in September? Whew, need to fix on that. There's so much things happened to me in these few months, but I finally turns twenty-one years of age about a week ago. Reaching into adulthood life much, I had a decent dinner with my family as I went back home to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones. I felt content with everything now, my pace with studies gradually catching up to how it was before, as I feel the drawbacks are coming to me in all senses. 

November finally, there is a month left before next year? Time flies fast. Also, it is going to be a hell of a month with assignments submissions, presentations, formal events, and academic things. It is exhausting but I will get through with it. I really need to settle down with everything before I start prepping up for the upcoming finals next month. May I survive with all of this. Hectic but those are mundane things that I need to live by.

I will be participating in an advocacy competition that will held on next week but talking about preparations, I feel like I could not do any better to cope with it. I have been dealing with mini-stress breakdown, with the ongoing roller coaster of emotions that kinda affect me in some way. This is what I signed up for, and I need to cope with that. Huge burden and expectations to our team but I have faith on them, we will do well. We just need to fuel it around this eleventh hours and hustle.

I planned to make it short as I feel like I want to write some things that maybe could live up my posts that were left with no updates. There's a few drafts that I wish I could finish soon, but not now. I need more time to put a note on those, stay tuned. Take care of yourself and have a good day. 

With love, Syafika

Hello and greetings to all of you. To be honest, I kinda feel sorry to my blog that I have not been able to write as much as I want to these days. New semester coming up next week, and how I have been feeling? Nothing much lately, although that I am looking forward to learn new subjects and discover new things. Talking about blog, I want to change to a new look and I am currently searching for any designs that catered to my liking. It might take some time as I want to change it slowly and maximized it to a look that I am looking for. Fret not, I will not turn it into private-mode in case you would want to read my old posts. This look has been a constant look for a year and five months. Geez, I wonder why the urge for me to change it to a new look would be now, when I am busy preparing for the new semester but all in all, I will upgrade it regularly.

The semester break was good. I spent a lot of time watching my favorite netflix shows, korean dramas and variety shows and even binge-watching some anime that I have always wanted to watch back then. Life has been treating me good lately, I took an extra care for my skin (as it has been breaking out ever since my practicum ended) but all better now. I cluttered my wardrobe, sold some outfits as preloved items (it was a good experience and I earned few bucks) and donated half of it to my mom's friend as charity. It was good, truly good. Besides, my room was upgraded to a new look, I cleaned the whole house and cut off some unused items, recycled a few things and my house look way better than before, to note that I planted new plants at the backyard of my house. The Marie Kondo life really inspired me to be active around the house instead of being a devoted couch potato, at times. 

As now I am currently writing and drinking an apple juice right at the morning, I am watching my food intake as I want take care of my health better, I have been  frequently sick and honestly it is a let-down that I could not take of my health better, but I do not want to dwell on it. That's it, my so-called back to square one experiences. As much as my recently life updates. 

Since the new semester is beginning right now I just want to say to all students, all the best for your new semester and strive for the better. Not to forget to the new students, welcome to the degree life, savor your moments. Take care.

With love, Syafika

Dear you,

Here I am writing another letter to my present and future self, as to remind me of who I am and things that I am grateful for.

You see, as cliché as it may sound, you have to love yourself first before attempting to get close to anyone, especially when it involves people who are not emotionally available because sometimes people only reveal their true selves after a period of time and you need to be able to cut these people off immediately when the odds are against you, instead of be left hanging all alone. I know you question yourself if you were ever enough for someone you love but the truth is that the problem lies in your inability to prevent these people from coming into your life and draining your soul away.

You need to get it in your head that you too have issues because you let them in when you are emotionally unstable and it may be largely due to your loneliness and misconception that you are filling your void by filling theirs too with love. You ended up getting hurt again and again. If you feel you are better off alone then be it like that. Some people might not get it, you are enjoying those empty void within your own embrace. Focus on yourself, please.

You need to know that the wonderful thing is that those mistakes and that damn rebellious phase that we had, those scars, and all the times we had to be our own hero and pick ourselves up when no one else was there. And, embrace our past. After all, they are the root of our characters. They are the reasons that sharpened us and narrowed the gap between who we are and the person we want to be, present and future.

All I want is I wish that someday you would be genuinely happy without having to go through these dark moments again. I wish that you would truly come out of the shell and be who you really are comfortable with, happy and alone without any interference from anyone that may obstruct your path towards self-discovery and happiness. 

I hope that you would stop blaming the yourself, stop whining and start building walls around you to keep those unworthy out of your life because in that way you will know who truly matters and cares enough to climb over the walls that you have built to protect yourself. Those who worth it.

I hope you remember every single struggle we face to overcome the disadvantages of ourselves and  you will be able to look back and see exactly how far we have gone and thought that, oh well look at that girl she finally made it.

Stay strong and stay true to yourself.

With love, Syafika

Hi, rise and shine people. It has been a long time since I last wrote something here. I has been in and out from the realm of blogger almost every single day but never had the capacity to actually complete my unfinished post drafts that seems to be adding on and on. Lets put aside that, pretty much I want to write about my life updates here. There has been much of things happened to me in such a period of time, yet I do not know if this post will too long or too short or maybe I just want to scribble and write anything that comes through my mind. 

Well I get it, my last post was somewhere around in May. I took a short break due to my final exams and I told myself that I would be back once I am done with finals but it was one hell's of a ride that I finished my finals with overload fatigue and sleep-deprived for all time that literally I had one week off being a slouch (eat, sleep and repeat) before I start working. Nevertheless, since I have a month break before new semester starts on September, I decided to not work as I really need this short break to have a peace of mind and heart, my body needs rest  and I am giving it with ease. 

What about my life updates?

Practicum

I had a month of practicum at the Court of Johor Bahru. It was a bliss that I have been blessed with great supervisors and nice staffs to help me throughout four weeks that I was assigned there. Different cases on different days, it seems like a different of real-life practice from where I learned in the law school. Say it between criminal and civil aspects, criminal would be more intrigue to me but my unconditional love for civil matters is not swaying. My friends has been asking on which matters that I would pursue for career in the future, as I did not have a change of mind on civil matters, maybe that would be it for now.

Academic things + law school

Last semester has been challenging, I encountered through on and off motivation to juggle up through the law school but it's all good now. Trust me kids, if you ever crossed your mind to be in a law school, have a brace of heart and survive it well. I am not emphasizing on law school only, any courses that you are willing to take, make them the beloved ones, proud of you. I am now be left with another four semesters to complete the journey, I had some ups and down through the past semesters, but I am trying my best to ace law school till the end. Never lose hope.

Working on myself

Well it's not the typical things you talk about when it comes to these things, as I am now expected to graduate in a year and a half span of time, I need to think more about my future, career and things related to it. Adulting is hard, there is no doubt about it. I have been saving up to buy my first car, and yes I want to buy a car with my hard-earned money to complete the list before I am turning a year older by next year. It would be a great self-satisfaction when you actually buy something with your own money. I do motivate myself from time to time by rewarding myself of some treats whenever I accomplished something.

I guess thats all the things that I can talk about my little life updates. There is nothing special about it. I pray that will all the goodness so I can update my blog with ease that I would not left my blog hanging for months as new semester will begin soon, a month away for now. Take care.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last write something here, well what a student life that I have upon me, nearing to the end of the semester. Assignment, projects, tests and programs which all of that made me look like someone who has not been sleeping around for a month, not to mention that I have been neglecting on my self-care these past few weeks. Sure, I have a lot of things to do and prepare as in finals is in due two weeks from now. I don't have that high expectations though I just want to give all my best.

Am I feeling lost and misplaced? Or just tired and exhausted?

These days I have been questioning myself, "why am I feeling like this?", my mind seems to be lost in the ocean of thoughts till I am not aware of how fast time flies by. Want to know something that is commonly weird? It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep I get because I still wake up feeling tired, mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. No amount of coffee can cure it, am not sure how many cups I had consumed. Sugar intake alert.

It’s tiring to repeat the same routine day after day. To know exactly what is going to happen on that day because my world has become unsurprising and predictable. I wake up and go to classes, come back to my room right after class, lying down on the bed scroll through social media or do whatever else I can to distract myself. And then I fall asleep again. 

I have been feeling dull and worn out lately. It’s tiring to keep convincing myself that everything is going to be okay, that things are going to get better. I keep forcing myself to think positive, to raise my expectations, but it’s only a matter of time until the disappointment come to me again.

They said, find something new that might pique my interest but I feel like I want to do nothing, responsibilities and priorities is the ones that I cannot run away from. Strike up a conversation, talk to people might be good but it's tiring, the least thing I would not consider to do at the moment. Feeling like I am going back to square one. 

The thing is that it is tiring to feel this way when I know there is so much I have to look forward to in the future. When I know there is still so much of this world I have not encountered into. Now, I am not sure where I stand at this point of my life. I feel like that I am lost and unsure where to look for direction. I spent too long denying my own feelings and now I feel like an unraveling soul.

Maybe and maybe I just want to feel different, because what I am feeling right now is numb. It sucks to have a feeling like this, knowing the fact that you cannot have control over it, it just come to you at sudden. Maybe I have to radiate my focus on something else right now. Something that makes me feel like it is worth every second and minute to invest my time and energy on that so that I don't have to feel like this at some moment.

Something to add here, I just realized for goodness sake how long I have been gone from the realm of blogging and it is exactly a month? Need to blame my university life for that but it's the norm that I cannot keep up with writing a post every week, I might need to improve on that. I will be back sooner or later once I am done with my finals. Have a good day.

With love, Syafika

So to you who feels alone, I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling that way. They say misery loves company but in reality, it does not want company, it wants someone to understand the emotions they cannot even understand themselves. To you who feels alone, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling that way.

It is the blanket you embrace on a hot summer night, covering you, making you uncomfortable for no apparent reason. You want it but you do not want it at the same time. It is like deciding to walk in a park on a bright sunny day then suddenly, it starts raining, and there was you standing there in the rain.

You know that strange feeling of being a stranger in a familiar place full of familiar faces? It is loneliness of lonesomeness disguised as irony.  It is feeling empty that makes you lonely. In contrast, being lonely that makes you feel alone. You look beside you and there is an empty space. 

I know you have had sleepless nights. For days, weeks, or months. What matters is that how you really feel. The feeling drowns and suffocates you. Allow it to take so much space in your heart. Feel every bit of sadness and longing. Do not leave an empty space in your heart. This is what matters. It is okay to not feel okay. Allow yourself to fall apart and be in different pieces. Because it is in these moments where you can decide to be a different version of yourself.

Be an empty box. Allow that emptiness to swallow you in creating so much thought in your mind. Seek the company of no one. Allow yourself to ponder things on your own. Allow yourself to let no judgments cloud your thoughts. You are the master of your own mind and the only person capable of putting yourself back together. Seek to do things that you never thought you could do on your own. Get yourself together pieces by pieces. 

You are beautiful. You no longer need that validation from someone. Because when the time comes that you do realize you are then it would be easier to love, to share yourself, and express yourself to someone all over again. That is a wonderful thing.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all you. May you have a good day. 

It is a common thing that we care so much about whether or not someone likes us, because that is common. Not only that, but it is a natural instinct to want others to accept us. We still feel compelled to care what others think of our looks, our personalities, and our success.

So, we try hard to gain as much affection from the people around us and question what aspects of ourselves we need to change in order for that to happen. The problem with this is that we forget to ask whether or not we even like these other people or whether or not we even like ourselves when we are with them. Because the perception of other, in what we think it is matter. 

This is why we need to learn to stop giving a damn about what other people think. Not giving a damn about what other people think means to give a damn what you think. It means acknowledging your own feelings and placing worth on them, instead of wondering so much about what others feel. It means recognizing your own self and accepting it for what it is. We all have a place in this world and if you feel as if others are judging you and making you feel less than what you deserve, then that is not your place and you need to leave.

Your life should not be about pleasing other people, that is now what it is. Do not let their opinions pull you down to their level. You know what it is you are doing and why, causing the opinions of others not to even matter. Once you realize this, it makes it much easier to not give a damn what they think.

With love, Syafika

A shining solo, right there. Having to not attached to that someone who is dear to you usually can be pretty fun. You can do everything without having to ask someone first. The freedom is so addicting in a way that I do not mind staying like that for now. I still do not know what made me enjoy it when most people are afraid to be alone when in contrast I do enjoy it a lot. Bring out your independent single woman side, ladies.

I do value all the moments of pure bliss of being alone, I know that at some point it just does not feel like enough. Night after night of lying in bed alone, and falling asleep with my mind racing with no one to share my unsaid thoughts with, is enough to make my whole being feel kinda sorrow.

You are a beautiful soul. And just because it is taking longer for you, does not mean you would not find it. There is someone who looks at you and thinks you are like art. They think they have never seen someone as magnificent as you. They know how special you are and your worth.

I know that on the days that are the hardest, I am wishing I could come home to someone. At least in some point, someone that I could lean on and count on him. I want to share all those thoughts that are trapped in my head. Yet the truth is, nobody can promise that to you, so I do that so that I can promise myself. I can promise yourself that I are doing the best that I possibly can, I have made it this far on my own, and for that reason I will be alright.

Staying single for too long made it harder for people to convince me to love and trust someone, it might take some time. It is not that I do not want to, but because I am kinda afraid that after all the effort of keeping myself guarded up will only be put to waste after being attached to yet another wrong person. This is a different me, after all I have changed.

Because no matter what I do, I will never be enough for someone who looks for something else. So now, I wait for the day to come without forcing things to work out. I will wait until it happens naturally. Because I know for myself that when the timing and the person is right, it will come. Because I will be willing to trust myself just to be with that person no matter what may happen in the future.

If you are still out there, you still have a lot of time to hone yourself and enjoy the world independently, go and discover, take your time.

With love, Syafika

Greetings to all of you. It has been a long time since I last wrote a post. As usual, life has been busy to me as in the midst of finals week on approaching a few of my last papers, I took a short break to write a wrap-up post for this year. I have got so much to say and to express about, this year is truly one of the best year that I have ever had, despite the ups and downs but I am getting there, in wrapping up this year with grace and blessings.

Thoughts on this year

Here is to the year I will treasure the most,

You taught me to see my failures as a stepping stone towards something greater. I learn to see the limitless potential that I have in myself. I begin to accept that they are paving the way to the direction that I am meant to go and understand that every failure is leading me to success. I used to dive myself into the regret and fear of how things would never be the same. But now, I have come to see that on every goodbye, it is the start of a new beginning that I truly need. That I should focus on the abundance of new chances that are coming on my way.

You widened my comfort zone by forcing me to confront my fear instead of running away. You taught me to get out of my comfortable zone and be comfortable of it. You tested my persistence and my determination to live through the good and the bad and I was so glad that I rise up above the challenges and be myself, as what I am deserve to be.

Because of you, I learn that changes may be painful but it is for the better. It is better to pluck up my courage and grab my chance with limitless possibilities than stay stuck in the same story. It is better to have faith that something beautiful is coming along than stay stuck to the past continuously. That it is better to live my life to the fullest, and I want to treasure it.

You also taught me that the past is the past for a reason, as what the phrase could be "let the past be bygones", and I should always look forward. You let me understand that everything happens for a reason and it is the lesson of yesterday that build me to the strong and independent woman I am today. This year has taught me so much about some things that I never knew, and I take that as a lesson for me to become a better person, every single day.

And you taught the thought to always be kind to others, no matter how it goes. I am blessed with a strong support system, a loving family, amazing friends and the existence of the people that I love and care, on whom I shall showering them with my endless love and support. Forever and always. Thank you, to each one of you and you know who you are. 

There were tears and heartbreak when all I want is to swallow them in myself. But there were also good times when my hard work was blessed and unappreciated things that brought me to the end of the road. There were sweet victories and triumph when I refused to be afraid of the fear and accomplish what I thought impossible by facing it with bravery. Throughout all, you allow me to find the strength I never knew I have it in myself. I learn to trust in myself that I can do anything if I have the passion and drive for it. I learn to love the person that I am and slowly growing into.

Thank you, 2018 for all the lessons and because of you, at present I am a completely different person from whom I used to be a year ago. And I will become the best version of myself that I desire to be.

Here is to 2019, may the year will be granted with all the good things and happiness and I am ready for the challenges that will be coming through my way, may the force be with me. All rise and heads up.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to all of you. I hope you are safe and sound, probably living well coping with life. These days, I think that I seem too stressed about coping up with life that currently I am living in. "Why are you always so busy and stressed?,” I was asked on the phone a few days ago while fast-walking to my next class. People mostly would say, well it is university, you are supposed to have fun because none of that seems to no avail when you will be entering the work life. That is what everyone assumes. And it is true, I have a blast moment here. But you only have four years and you want to make the most of it. So what do I do? Get involved with everything while you can, not to that extent though.

This semester is rough. Classes are tiring and I have more assignments and tests than I ever have before. The classes are beginning to become more and more important as they are aimed toward my major and I want to succeed. But I also want to have fun and be involved in extra activities. So I find myself constantly on the move with a million tasks and errands and meetings running through my mind. Most of us like to stay busy, but I personally tend to try to fit too much in one day. My planner is full of the squiggles that are my life. I am not sure I would survive or make any deadlines without it.

So yes, if you are wondering, university/college is hard and busy. It is getting me prepared to step out into the big, real, scary world that awaits me after I graduate. I love this kind of life because I get to decide what I do, but sometimes I want to do way too much. I overlook myself easily, but at least I am getting the full experience. Well I will admit I complain a lot about being busy, but I would rather be involved and make the most of my four years. I have already made a ton of friends, connections, memories, although in the moment I may not be happiest about having such a long day full of activities, I am fine with it.

What a short post, it seems like I am getting lazier to write something these days but probably because of the hectic schedule and tiredness but blogging is a fun way to get away from reality of life, and I want to make sure of that.

Have a good day everyone.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. I hope you are in the pink of health. Ah, it is that time and day of the year, 31 October 1998, what an eventful for my family as their first child was born and the only sole daughter of the family. You know what makes that this date even meaningful? Halloween Day, yes I love Halloween, for some reasons. I might just be too excited for Halloween than any days of the year, I feel like I have to excuse myself for the special night.

Thoughts on turning twenty this year?

Well, I have spent the past couple of weeks saying different ways to hide the fact that I was entering a whole new decade of my life, it is exciting. However, I found a bunch of other ways to ease my way into being 20. Most importantly, I made sure to surround myself with my beloved people and something that made me feel content.

Between relishing the birthday phone calls and messages, I spent video-call with people who I care about and also care about me. Even though I could not be with my family in person on the special day, well perks of being a student whom university is 12-hours drive a way from home. I do have my own support system here and I am glad about that. Having people instill that belief in me throughout the day was enough to accept the fact that I am twenty now, no matter how grown-up and scary that may sound, knowing that growing up might be a trap.

Turning 20 means both the end of the teenage era and the start of grown-up life, even so, I keep reminding myself that despite twenty meaning a lot of big things, for me, turning twenty means I will have another decade of life experiences to write about, more pages to write in. Well maybe I am okay with it if I think about it like that. Because as I grow, so do my words. Growing “older” does not have to be a part of this. It is just the growing phase. Mixed feelings about turning twenty do put me in any sense of unjustified reasons.

Getting a year older, a year wiser can have major consequences. Responsibilities, duties, maintaining an air of professionalism when in terms of thinking about your future. But with age comes wisdom, apparently. I can no longer consider myself a teenager, and I think that is pretty weird. I am still pretty much a wild child at heart, in a good way I mean. But, I am also still me. And perhaps my age does not define me.

What does turning 20 means to me?

Turning 20 is about who I want to surround myself with, who I am now, what I want to experience and who I want to be in the future. Well thats a lot of things to think about. I do not know what will happen in the future, but I hope the best is yet to come. Here goes from nothing to something.

A warm greetings to you all. Finally, I got to finish off this post for now that it has been in the draft for a while. I can be too cliche sometimes, but my mind can be wandering to many unsaid thoughts, and I feel that I need to vent it out. That is the only way that could keep me feeling relaxed about it. I wonder about lots of things in life. I wonder what it feels like to be in a relationship, I wonder what it feels like to actually have someone care for you, and-

I found it to be a rather heavy question that is not easy to answer. Not everyone feels as though they are truly happy. That is the sad reality of life, we simply cannot be happy all the time. The happiest, most joyous people you know have probably been through some incredibly dark, traumatic times. Just like the old time saying, "a happy person hides the saddest smile".

I do enjoy happiness is in appreciating the small things. Once you feel the happiness start to take over you, you get this overwhelming urge to extend it to other people. A happy interaction with another person can be anything. It can be a really good conversation where you get to know someone new and you realize you really like them. It is when you hear a good joke and you tell it to someone else and they laugh, too. It is when you offer to pay for someone's lunch and even if they act like they did not want you to, you know they appreciated it.

Happiness is ever-growing and ever-changing. It will take on several different meanings for us throughout our lives. This is what it feels like to me, right here, right now. We may stumble and fall in our pursuit of it, but you will get there, and it feels a little something like this.


With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to you all. It seems like most of my friends and family know how much I love the night time, and darkness. My mom is worried of me that I might be enjoying the darkness too much, but I am fine with it. In fact, I totally love it. Night and dark are good for me. 

We have all experienced negative darkness, those long stretches of the night when we cannot sleep, and worry about everything, and so we know that "dark time" can seem interminably long, can be scary and terrifying compared with daytime. But as I slowly growing up, I have yet learn to accept and loving the beauty of the darkness, the night time. Yet this slowing of time can be the most relaxing and beautiful experience. Spending the evening in candlelight, and maybe by the fire with no TV talking, telling stories, letting the lit-up world, expands the hours, and alters the thoughts and conversations we have.

To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative, I feel safe. I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall, but not if I switch on the lights, then I start thinking about anything that is possible not a background to thought. I like the slowness and serenity of the night. It puts me at ease.

Dreams, cold, sleep, love, slowness, time, quiet, books, seasons – all these things, which are not really things, but moments of life, take on a different quality at night-time, where the moon reflects the light of the sun, and we have time to reflect what life is to us, knowing that it passes, and that every bit of it, in its change and its difference, is the here and now of what we have.

Night is the time for personal experiences, quiet time, intimate time without interruptions from external forces. I have always like being out at night, it makes the city exciting - all the colorful lights, people, brightness and the wind breeze of the night. The beauty of the darkness. It all seems possible in the dark of night.

Somehow the darkness of light opens me to a more expressive self, less concerned about what people may think of me, more open to experiences. As someone who loves to be in the dark and enjoying the night time fulfilled with the city of the lights, I can express myself better than I should be.

Say, I wonder if you feel the same about enjoying the darkness.

When I was younger, anxiety is what made me concerned the most out of it. I remember that someone conducted a few psychology tests on me about anxiety, well I could tell that it was not good. I remember how I used to have low self-esteem and letting myself down all the time, I shut myself out from people for a while, only to find that I am getting worse. It was for a while, but the aftermath of it affected me for the rest of my life, until this day. But what made me changed is that, something that sparks in depth of my heart like a tiny voice saying that I cannot be like this anymore. I realized that I need to change, I have to learn to love myself and embrace my flaws. 

You have to learn to accept your flaws and no one is perfectly perfect, even if they try to be one

Sometimes it is difficult for humans to feel free in this world. Society tries to place people into confining little boxes. We are told how we should look, think, and act. At times, there is not a lot of room to express your individuality, your unique self. People who are different tend to face a lot of rejection, and try hard to fit in the crowd. They are ostracized and are told that they are not worthy of love. Here is the thing, do not mind of what they would say, you may find it hard to get it from your head but just be yourself. Embrace yourself more, give yourself of what you deserve, and love.

I used to be those kids who tried so hard to fit in the crowd, but then I thought that all of that was not worth it, I feel like I did something wrong to myself. If the so-called introvert yet mysterious me is what the perception is like to people, then be it like that. Perception and impression are always in contrast but yet are the same thing. You will never know a person until you really get to know them.  

Every individual has something unique and interesting to add to the world. My grandma used to say this when I was younger as if I remember it, do not ever question your existence into this world, you are created because you have a purpose to be fulfilled here, and be a decent human being.

Do not be afraid to let your true self shine through. Eventually most people will learn to love you. The ones who do not simply are not worth your time. If you ever start to feel trapped, just remember that the butterfly. No matter how many times you try to catch a butterfly, it will always find a way to break free.

I can say that I changed for the better now though sometimes I kept getting a flashback of how I used to be in that time, carefully thinking that I will not let it happen again, ever.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings to all of you. Guess what, I am back with a stronger view of my life recently. In my previous post, I kinda feel half-hearted about writing a post but when I read it back, it feels amusing to me that I could get so lazy and have been running out of ideas about what to write in order to keep my blog from turning somewhat dusty and quiet. The feeling grasping about what happened in my life recently, I cannot say nothing much about it. 

So what about recently that I has been talking about?

As the semester break is coming to an end, I am currently preparing some stuffs before the new semester will start soon. It is hard to believe but yes, I miss the studying environment, lofting around my bed probably doing nothing other watching dramas or reading. The summary of my semester break would be nothing much to say. Mixed feelings about the upcoming semester but lets just wait and see about the unforeseeable of future chances and future events. 

It might be sudden but I kinda want to talk about BTS, my ultimate favorite group there you go as they just released a new album that also marks an end era to the Love Yourself trilogy, one of the best albums of the year. A rare side of me actually to talk about them neither K-pop, as I usually expressed my fangirling moments only in twitter, yes I am. I have been pretty much being an Army around  2013, somewhere just after their first album released and they debuted, a very peculiar group that succeed to divert my attention to them. I never talk about them like this, but I truly treasure them. If feels somewhat their trilogy albums speak out to me, so does everyone who is battling with their inner self to embrace themselves. Just like them growing to be where they are right now, all of their albums show their journey of being an artist that everyone is looking up to. Along side with me growing up from a teenage girl to a young girl in the present, I am looking forward of what the future endeavors that BTS could hold onto. In the meantime to those who want to know who they are, please check out BTS & I gotta say that you will not regret it.

But it upsets me that some people would downgrade them because of their fame now. They have been working hard ever since they debuted and they hardly get any rest. I have to say that BTS are one of the most hardworking and talented groups that I have ever seen, the efforts that they put into their work are no joke. They deserve to be where they are right now and I hope they will know that. I am proud ARMY and I will always be, I may not be able to attend their concerts because well I probably cannot afford it but someday I hope I will, but nonetheless of that will not break the bond. I just had to say this because I noticed that some people can be really bitter with their success. All of their songs are one of a kind, our youth, our dreams and about ourselves, that is what they always talk about in their songs. That is why you feel that some of their songs really came straight from the heart and it reached us, it feels like someone could read your mind out loud. Well, that is BTS.

Alright, this is what the recently I am talking about, on the side note I just want to talk about my boys here, pardon me because this is a special post dedicated to them. I am planning to write something that feels personal to me in my next post, so stay tuned! Have a good day everyone.

Listening to Epiphany by Jin (BTS)

With love, Syafika

 A warm greetings I bid to all of you, whoever reading this. May you are in the pink of health. Well this is an interesting topic that I can talk to, comfort zone. I always think that I would be alright if I stay in my comfort zone but no, I can explore much better by getting out of my comfort zone. It is incredibly easy to stay in the comfortable life you have made for yourself, sure it feels really nice to be in that kind of moment. 

Getting out of your comfort zone

You better believe that I would choose a pair of sweats over a nice outfit any day, but I guarantee no one will think I mean as someone who prefers comfort over fashion, but there are the days that I would dolling myself up and stay dressed up, occasionally. It would be so easy to live in what you know forever. Well, you should never be worried about getting new friends in a new place, getting adjusted in a new place, worrying about what kinds of foods should you eat for dinner, planning your outfits for the rest of the week. It is easy to live like that. It is nice to never worry about those things.

But is it worth it? Are you settling into this life that society thinks that you should have just because you have a piece of paper that says you are educated?  If you have not asked yourself these questions in the last couple a months, I hope you will take them into consideration. You should be fearful of mediocrity. Do not strive to be average or normal. You can be so much more than that, you just have the passion for it. I remember when I was little I was told by everyone who surrounded me that I could do anything. What happened to that? How come now when we are in our twenties we keep hearing that we have to settle in order to make life better? 

Here is the thing. Do not do it because you see that all your friends are married at this time of the age, getting into a relationship and your afraid of being alone. Do not do it because you think that it is a good job that could afford your life, even if you hate every second of it while working. Get out of that comfy sweat pants emporium you are living in right now, sure it is comfy but after a while dont you think that you should made some change up for your life?

Maybe getting out of your comfort zone is not your biggest priority right now, but why not? And it is not like you have to go halfway around the world to feel uncomfortable, just do something new, even if it means not getting your usual lunch at your usual dinner. Hopefully this is the push you need. And if so you ever need this, I hope it will be. This is just a mere thought of mine that I happened to across to these days. Have a good day and take care everyone.

With love, Syafika

A warm greetings I bid to all of you, whoever reading this. May you have a nice day ahead. Well, I wonder why I put that as my post title this time, been running out of ideas on what to write these days, is this what being in blogger guilty pleasure because yes, I did feel like that. But shrugs, as I am continuing to rants about my life and thoughts that running wild right now, I wonder what I could vent out this time? The good and the bad in life, sure is an interesting thing to vent out to.

The good and the bad?

These days, I have been questioning, “does everything happens for a reason?” for a pretty long time in my life. As we get older, a lot of things occur in our life, which might be good or happy things or bad or things that make us sad. There are things that we are can control, but I would say that there are much more things that we are out of control. I guess that is just how life works and we got to deal with it. But the important thing is to own the things that we are capable to be in control in life because those are the things that will change your life for the good. The things that are out of our control are what they are, and whatever will be, will be. All you got to do is to learn how to deal with them. Of course, easier said than done but at least we have to try. 

We are human and there are times that we feel down and negative. That is the most natural thing that a human can feel, and that is the same as feeling happy and positive. I guess people tend to think more negatively when things are not going the way they truly want. It is because we feel emotionally down and that leads to negative thoughts. But I tell you, negative thoughts would not lead you to anything good. I am not saying you should never feel negative, because I think you actually need to feel the negativity to become positive, there should a nice balance of it. But do not let the negativity drown you for a long time. Let it be there for a little while, and let it go. If you spend too much time being negative, it is no good for you.

When a good thing happens in life just genuinely be happy and appreciate it. When a bad thing happens in life just think that it’s a lesson for you to become a stronger and wiser person. We all have ups and downs and that is the law of life. You just have to work on it, and let the rest just happen. Through all my experience in life, now I believe that everything happens for a reason.

On the side note, I wish to all Muslim happy Eidulfitri Al-Mubarak and to those who are celebrating all across the world. May you have a blast. Till next time, have a good day and take care everyone.

With love, Syafika